1
00:00:52,278 --> 00:00:53,712
Fuego del Culo.

2
00:00:53,812 --> 00:00:56,182
Girl, if it itches, it's crabs.

3
00:01:10,462 --> 00:01:12,832
Hey, girl.
You want some brown liquor?

4
00:01:12,932 --> 00:01:15,101
Brown liquor
don't make this pussy pop.

5
00:01:15,201 --> 00:01:17,236
Tequila it is.

6
00:01:17,336 --> 00:01:19,638
Here you go.
Mm.

7
00:01:22,275 --> 00:01:24,176
<i>¡Viva la revolución!</i>

8
00:01:24,277 --> 00:01:25,477
Now, that shit right there make

9
00:01:25,577 --> 00:01:27,346
my pussy pop
on a handstand!

10
00:01:27,445 --> 00:01:29,148
So, what are you doing here
anyway?

11
00:01:29,248 --> 00:01:31,217
What do you think
I'm doing here?

12
00:01:31,317 --> 00:01:32,784
I'm starring
in the opening scene.

13
00:01:32,885 --> 00:01:35,420
Been there, done that.

14
00:01:35,520 --> 00:01:37,924
<i>Pick up the phone!</i>
<i>Pick up the pho--</i>

15
00:01:38,024 --> 00:01:39,892
Richie?
<i>Teyana. Hi.</i>

16
00:01:39,992 --> 00:01:41,493
<i>I thought it'd be easier</i>
<i>for the audience</i>

17
00:01:41,593 --> 00:01:43,428
<i>if they didn't have to read</i>
<i>more texts.</i>

18
00:01:43,528 --> 00:01:45,764
Yeah, that makes sense.
'Cause you know
these motherfuckers can't read.

19
00:01:45,865 --> 00:01:49,501
I know who goes to see
a Wayans Brothers movie.

20
00:01:49,601 --> 00:01:51,703
<i>Well, it's nice</i>
<i>to phone-meet you</i>

21
00:01:51,803 --> 00:01:53,471
<i>in this super awkward way.</i>

22
00:01:53,571 --> 00:01:55,141
Likewise.
But I got to be honest.

23
00:01:55,241 --> 00:01:58,144
When I seen your profile pic,
a bitch almost swiped left

24
00:01:58,244 --> 00:01:59,577
because you look mad goofy.

25
00:01:59,678 --> 00:02:01,113
But surprisingly,

26
00:02:01,213 --> 00:02:04,216
you know them goofy niggas
got big dicks, so here we are.

27
00:02:04,317 --> 00:02:05,918
<i>I take you for a Jersey girl.</i>

28
00:02:06,018 --> 00:02:07,053
A Jersey girl?

29
00:02:07,153 --> 00:02:08,988
Listen, I love Jersey down.

30
00:02:09,088 --> 00:02:11,690
But I'm a Harlem girl.
Born and motherfucking raised.

31
00:02:11,790 --> 00:02:13,625
Real niggas only. Yeah.

32
00:02:13,725 --> 00:02:15,828
<i>Oh, so you're Black.</i>

33
00:02:17,462 --> 00:02:18,730
No, motherfucker!

34
00:02:18,831 --> 00:02:20,866
I'm BLACK!

35
00:02:20,967 --> 00:02:22,201
All caps.

36
00:02:22,301 --> 00:02:24,937
No cap, but caps.

37
00:02:25,037 --> 00:02:26,705
Fuck all y'all!

38
00:02:27,639 --> 00:02:29,774
Bitch,
spit them pearls back out.

39
00:02:30,709 --> 00:02:32,644
I ain't want your shit.

40
00:02:33,412 --> 00:02:35,247
Hello.
<i>So tell me,</i>

41
00:02:35,348 --> 00:02:37,383
<i>what's your favorite</i>
<i>scary movie?</i>

42
00:02:37,482 --> 00:02:39,551
Mm... I don't really do them,
you know.

43
00:02:39,651 --> 00:02:40,920
All the stupid tropes and shit.

44
00:02:41,020 --> 00:02:42,721
Why is it always
the white bitch at the end?

45
00:02:42,821 --> 00:02:44,723
Because they know
it is too hard
to kill a sista.

46
00:02:44,823 --> 00:02:46,826
Y'know what I'm sayin'?
Cause if the sista can survive

47
00:02:46,926 --> 00:02:49,527
government cheese,
we can survive anything.

48
00:02:51,163 --> 00:02:53,332
<i>You know, it might help</i>
<i>if you met me outside.</i>

49
00:02:53,432 --> 00:02:55,667
Met you outside?
Boy, you is needy!

50
00:02:56,568 --> 00:02:58,270
What's your sign?
You must be a Scorpio.

51
00:02:58,371 --> 00:02:59,472
<i>How'd you know?</i>

52
00:02:59,571 --> 00:03:01,440
Good dick though.
But toxic as hell.

53
00:03:01,539 --> 00:03:03,476
<i>Hey, is the restaurant</i>
<i>near an alley?</i>

54
00:03:03,575 --> 00:03:06,278
Yes, hurry
before they rob your ass.

55
00:03:06,379 --> 00:03:08,080
Roses?
Ah! Not today.

56
00:03:08,180 --> 00:03:09,781
Cheap bitch.
Heard you, ho.

57
00:03:09,882 --> 00:03:12,517
<i>Okay, I'm--</i>
<i>I'm coming down the alley now.</i>

58
00:03:12,617 --> 00:03:14,920
I'm here.
Can you see me? I'm waving.

59
00:03:15,454 --> 00:03:16,889
<i>No.</i>

60
00:03:16,989 --> 00:03:19,291
<i>The person I'm looking at</i>
<i>is not waving.</i>

61
00:03:19,392 --> 00:03:21,293
<i>In fact,</i>
<i>they're just staring at me.</i>

62
00:03:21,394 --> 00:03:23,362
Well, stare at his ass back!

63
00:03:23,462 --> 00:03:24,897
And don't blink. Never blink.

64
00:03:24,997 --> 00:03:26,899
You got to scrunch your lips
and be like, "What?"

65
00:03:26,999 --> 00:03:28,901
<i>No, they're walking</i>
<i>towards me now.</i>

66
00:03:29,001 --> 00:03:31,303
<i>Hold on.</i>
<i>Oh no, they have a knife!</i>

67
00:03:31,404 --> 00:03:33,305
Well, don't lead his ass
over here.

68
00:03:33,406 --> 00:03:34,473
<i>And that's not the worst part.</i>

69
00:03:36,008 --> 00:03:38,743
The worst part
is you know so much

70
00:03:38,844 --> 00:03:41,280
about horror movies
and yet you still

71
00:03:41,380 --> 00:03:44,250
walked into the alley alone.

72
00:03:44,350 --> 00:03:46,452
Yeah, well the worst part is,

73
00:03:46,551 --> 00:03:49,788
you fucking with
a New York bitch. Cuckoo!

74
00:03:49,889 --> 00:03:51,090
Yeah!

75
00:03:53,459 --> 00:03:55,528
Cuckoo, cuckoo!

76
00:03:55,627 --> 00:03:57,263
Cuckoo!

77
00:04:06,172 --> 00:04:08,807
Damn!
She's on some Avengers shit!

78
00:04:22,254 --> 00:04:23,389
Seriously, Larry?

79
00:04:23,489 --> 00:04:24,756
I ain't recognize
your bird call.

80
00:04:24,857 --> 00:04:26,724
Thought you was going
more with a--

81
00:04:26,826 --> 00:04:29,395
That's a pigeon, nigga!
Supposed to be, "Cuckoo!"

82
00:04:29,495 --> 00:04:32,764
Cuckoo!
A hawk swooping in an attack!

83
00:04:33,499 --> 00:04:34,500
My bad.

84
00:04:34,599 --> 00:04:36,068
Are you done?

85
00:04:37,702 --> 00:04:38,670
What the hell?

86
00:04:41,006 --> 00:04:44,410
Bitch, I'm Teyana Taylor.
My abs got abs.

87
00:04:44,510 --> 00:04:45,845
Get him!

88
00:04:45,945 --> 00:04:47,679
Ow! My arm! My arm!

89
00:04:47,779 --> 00:04:49,048
Get in there!

90
00:04:49,148 --> 00:04:51,050
Come on, guys,
we can work this out.

91
00:04:55,287 --> 00:04:57,056
Somebody help me!

92
00:04:57,156 --> 00:04:58,457
Do it, Larry!

93
00:04:58,557 --> 00:05:00,292
No, no, no--

94
00:05:01,293 --> 00:05:02,528
Hi-yah!

95
00:05:02,627 --> 00:05:04,230
Ow! Oh, God!

96
00:05:04,330 --> 00:05:05,965
All right, all right,
all right, all right!

97
00:05:06,065 --> 00:05:08,200
We out.
Get your hardheaded ass on.

98
00:05:09,001 --> 00:05:11,103
Welcome to New York, sucker!

99
00:05:11,203 --> 00:05:12,438
Hey, Teyana.

100
00:05:12,538 --> 00:05:13,839
You might have kicked my ass,

101
00:05:13,939 --> 00:05:16,242
but you still didn't win
that Oscar.

102
00:05:16,342 --> 00:05:18,676
What you say about my Oscar?

103
00:05:18,776 --> 00:05:21,614
Did I stutter? You lost!

104
00:05:21,713 --> 00:05:22,982
You right.

105
00:05:23,082 --> 00:05:25,217
But I won
that Golden Globe, bitch.

106
00:05:25,918 --> 00:05:27,685
Oh, my God! Really?

107
00:05:27,785 --> 00:05:29,355
That's why I never watched
Horror Movie.

108
00:05:29,455 --> 00:05:30,788
It's fucking terrible.

109
00:05:30,890 --> 00:05:33,425
Just a bunch
of celebrity cameos
and fart gags.

110
00:05:34,860 --> 00:05:36,295
<i>So, you don't like parodies?</i>

111
00:05:36,395 --> 00:05:38,164
I'm more into
Judd Apatow films.

112
00:05:38,264 --> 00:05:40,765
You know, elevated comedy.

113
00:05:40,866 --> 00:05:43,169
<i>And what is elevated comedy?</i>

114
00:05:43,269 --> 00:05:44,637
Mm.

115
00:05:44,736 --> 00:05:45,871
The kind that doesn't actually
make anyone laugh,

116
00:05:45,971 --> 00:05:47,540
but makes white people
feel smart.

117
00:05:49,774 --> 00:05:51,243
<i>Tuesday,</i>
<i>don't answer that!</i>

118
00:05:51,343 --> 00:05:52,710
It could be Ghostface.

119
00:05:52,810 --> 00:05:54,513
Oh, come on, Elle!

120
00:05:54,613 --> 00:05:56,814
Stuff like that
only happens in the movies.

121
00:05:59,418 --> 00:06:00,653
Oh, hey.

122
00:06:00,752 --> 00:06:03,055
I wasn't expecting you
to answer the door.

123
00:06:03,155 --> 00:06:06,392
What the fuck?
Now where is my knife?

124
00:06:06,492 --> 00:06:08,360
Ah, here it is.

125
00:06:08,460 --> 00:06:11,197
Hello, Tuesday.

126
00:06:34,819 --> 00:06:38,057
Hey, miss.

127
00:06:38,823 --> 00:06:40,226
What'd you take?

128
00:06:40,326 --> 00:06:42,127
Just Ritalin for my ADHD.

129
00:06:42,228 --> 00:06:43,596
Adderall for PTSD.

130
00:06:43,696 --> 00:06:45,797
A couple of Xanax
for my anxiety.

131
00:06:45,898 --> 00:06:47,799
And your boner pills.

132
00:06:47,900 --> 00:06:51,170
So good luck
getting it up now.

133
00:06:51,270 --> 00:06:54,806
Jesus, Sara,
how many did you take?
Do you want to touch it, baby?

134
00:06:54,907 --> 00:06:56,508
Yes, but no. Okay.
Come on. You know you want it.

135
00:06:56,609 --> 00:06:58,544
Take it.
Take it like a good boy.
Okay. Maybe just a little bit.

136
00:06:58,644 --> 00:06:59,979
That feels
really interesting.

137
00:07:00,079 --> 00:07:01,614
I'm about to bust a nut.
Wow.

138
00:07:02,715 --> 00:07:04,350
Hey, Jess.
<i>Sara,</i>

139
00:07:04,450 --> 00:07:05,817
<i>Tuesday's in the hospital.</i>

140
00:07:05,918 --> 00:07:09,321
<i>She was stabbed. By a killer--</i>
<i>you know, Ghostface.</i>

141
00:07:09,421 --> 00:07:10,755
Wait. From Wu-Tang?

142
00:07:10,856 --> 00:07:12,958
Why would Ghostface Killah
aka Pretty Toney

143
00:07:13,058 --> 00:07:15,227
aka Starky Love
want to stab my sister?

144
00:07:15,327 --> 00:07:17,663
<i>God, Sara,</i>
<i>it wasn't Ghostface Killah.</i>

145
00:07:17,762 --> 00:07:19,498
<i>It was somebody</i>
<i>in a Ghostface mask.</i>

146
00:07:19,598 --> 00:07:20,666
Oh!

147
00:07:20,765 --> 00:07:22,668
Okay, that makes more sense.

148
00:07:26,438 --> 00:07:27,373
Hah!

149
00:07:28,340 --> 00:07:30,609
I ain't the one!

150
00:07:30,709 --> 00:07:32,344
Oh!

151
00:07:32,444 --> 00:07:33,445
Jesus, Jack!

152
00:07:33,545 --> 00:07:34,812
What?

153
00:07:34,913 --> 00:07:36,915
I was thinking about
wearing this for Halloween.

154
00:07:37,016 --> 00:07:38,417
My estranged
flat-chested half-sister

155
00:07:38,517 --> 00:07:40,653
was nearly killed
by a psycho in a ghost mask.

156
00:07:42,121 --> 00:07:44,957
I got to go see her
and make up for the past.

157
00:07:45,057 --> 00:07:46,791
Whoa-- Hey, hey, hey.

158
00:07:46,892 --> 00:07:48,093
I'm going with you.

159
00:07:48,193 --> 00:07:49,828
Not because
I'm the obvious killer

160
00:07:49,928 --> 00:07:51,230
trying to lure you back
to your hometown.

161
00:07:51,330 --> 00:07:53,232
I'm just
the supportive boyfriend.

162
00:07:53,332 --> 00:07:54,600
Yeah.
That's all.

163
00:07:55,901 --> 00:07:57,436
Okay, let's go. Get in the car.

164
00:07:57,536 --> 00:08:00,939
Listen, we just have
to make one stop on the way.

165
00:08:01,607 --> 00:08:03,375
I survived.

166
00:08:03,475 --> 00:08:05,678
All thanks to my lucky penny.

167
00:08:31,003 --> 00:08:34,773
I hate when y'all leave!
Come give me a hug.

168
00:08:34,873 --> 00:08:37,976
Ma, come on, turn off
this ratchet-ass music.

169
00:08:38,077 --> 00:08:40,679
It's embarrassing,
especially for Black women.

170
00:08:40,779 --> 00:08:42,014
It's not embarrassing.

171
00:08:42,114 --> 00:08:43,849
I'm the cool ma everybody wish
they had.

172
00:08:43,949 --> 00:08:45,217
I'm lit!
Don't forget,

173
00:08:45,317 --> 00:08:47,152
I got practice later
so I'll be home late.

174
00:08:47,252 --> 00:08:48,854
You only made the team
because you're Black

175
00:08:48,954 --> 00:08:50,923
and those racist fucks
assumed you could play.

176
00:08:51,023 --> 00:08:53,058
Mm.
It's 2026.

177
00:08:53,158 --> 00:08:54,760
I don't think race is an issue.

178
00:08:54,860 --> 00:08:56,395
Do you read Black Twitter?

179
00:08:56,495 --> 00:08:57,896
No.

180
00:08:58,364 --> 00:08:59,131
Ugh, Brad,

181
00:08:59,231 --> 00:09:01,200
are you still dating that ho?

182
00:09:01,300 --> 00:09:02,034
Okay.

183
00:09:02,134 --> 00:09:03,635
Stop ho-shaming her, heiffa.

184
00:09:03,736 --> 00:09:05,170
Just because Darrel and them

185
00:09:05,270 --> 00:09:07,172
ran a train on her
doesn't make her a ho.

186
00:09:07,272 --> 00:09:10,075
She's not a "ho",
she's "sex positive".

187
00:09:10,175 --> 00:09:12,344
Well, I'm positive she is a ho.

188
00:09:13,445 --> 00:09:15,381
Hey, girl! Look at you!

189
00:09:15,481 --> 00:09:16,782
Early for Halloween, huh?

190
00:09:16,882 --> 00:09:18,784
What you this year?
Slutty schoolgirl?

191
00:09:18,884 --> 00:09:19,718
Ho-ey ho?

192
00:09:19,818 --> 00:09:21,787
Hi, Ms. Meeks.

193
00:09:21,887 --> 00:09:23,722
Love the hair. Very...

194
00:09:23,822 --> 00:09:25,391
Octavia Spencer.

195
00:09:25,491 --> 00:09:26,625
Well, thank you very much.

196
00:09:26,725 --> 00:09:28,026
I got to invite you over

197
00:09:28,127 --> 00:09:30,462
and make you
a little shit pie.
Ooh.

198
00:09:30,562 --> 00:09:33,532
You know what? I got to get to
African American History class.

199
00:09:33,632 --> 00:09:34,767
We're learning about slavery.

200
00:09:34,868 --> 00:09:37,403
Come to find out,
it was a choice.

201
00:09:37,503 --> 00:09:38,570
You see that right there?

202
00:09:39,304 --> 00:09:41,006
That's Kanye?
That's right.

203
00:09:41,106 --> 00:09:43,742
They've been teaching us
wrong all this time.

204
00:09:43,843 --> 00:09:44,943
Mm-hmm. Stay Black!

205
00:09:45,043 --> 00:09:47,881
Bye, Ma.
All right. Bye, baby.

206
00:09:47,980 --> 00:09:49,081
Bye, Ms. Meeks.
Bye.

207
00:09:49,181 --> 00:09:51,183
Son, I put some condoms
in your bag!

208
00:09:51,283 --> 00:09:53,218
You know how they try
to trap y'all.

209
00:09:53,318 --> 00:09:54,386
Ma!

210
00:09:56,321 --> 00:09:58,257
Okay, seriously,
"Sheriff Greg",

211
00:09:58,357 --> 00:10:00,125
you don't have to walk me
to class. I'm fine.

212
00:10:00,225 --> 00:10:03,128
Jess, there's a serial killer
on the loose.

213
00:10:03,228 --> 00:10:05,832
I'm not gonna let anything
happen to my baby girl.

214
00:10:05,931 --> 00:10:07,933
Boy! Okay? I'm a baby boy!

215
00:10:08,033 --> 00:10:09,301
I'm sorry!

216
00:10:09,401 --> 00:10:11,270
I'm having a
hard time with this transition.

217
00:10:11,370 --> 00:10:14,874
Okay, it's really simple.
Treat me like one of the guys.

218
00:10:14,973 --> 00:10:16,141
Okay?

219
00:10:16,241 --> 00:10:18,777
All right. I-I can do that.
Yeah.

220
00:10:18,878 --> 00:10:21,079
- Slap fight.
- Oh.

221
00:10:21,180 --> 00:10:22,414
You call that a slap?

222
00:10:23,850 --> 00:10:24,884
Whew.

223
00:10:24,983 --> 00:10:26,385
What the hell
did you do that for?

224
00:10:26,485 --> 00:10:29,655
Don't act like such a bitch.

225
00:10:29,755 --> 00:10:31,390
Bitch.

226
00:10:34,293 --> 00:10:36,495
Yeah, not bad.

227
00:10:39,264 --> 00:10:41,133
Who the hell lives like this?

228
00:10:53,011 --> 00:10:55,882
Oh, honey,
it is so good to see you!

229
00:10:55,981 --> 00:10:57,816
Come in! Do you want some tea?

230
00:10:57,917 --> 00:11:00,752
Oh, my God, Mother.
You look like shit!

231
00:11:00,854 --> 00:11:02,321
Babe, please.

232
00:11:02,421 --> 00:11:04,022
This is clearly a woman
who's run out of conditioner.

233
00:11:04,122 --> 00:11:06,358
Oh, be careful where you walk.
The whole place

234
00:11:06,458 --> 00:11:07,659
is booby-trapped.

235
00:11:07,759 --> 00:11:10,028
You never know when
that psycho's gonna come back.

236
00:11:10,128 --> 00:11:12,164
Come in.

237
00:11:12,264 --> 00:11:13,398
Okay.

238
00:11:22,274 --> 00:11:24,743
I hate this job.

239
00:11:27,145 --> 00:11:28,547
Mrs. Campbell,

240
00:11:29,181 --> 00:11:31,350
I'm Jack, Sara's boyfriend.

241
00:11:31,450 --> 00:11:33,519
I've heard so much about you...

242
00:11:33,619 --> 00:11:34,720
Uh, none of it good.

243
00:11:35,621 --> 00:11:37,957
I have heard nothing
about you, Jack.

244
00:11:38,056 --> 00:11:39,658
I assume
you're a piece of shit.

245
00:11:39,758 --> 00:11:42,996
But how would I know when
I haven't heard
from my daughter

246
00:11:43,095 --> 00:11:44,796
in, what, six months?

247
00:11:44,898 --> 00:11:46,632
Six years, Mother.

248
00:11:46,732 --> 00:11:48,300
And whose fault is that?

249
00:11:48,400 --> 00:11:51,069
"And whose fault is that?"
I don't know, maybe it's yours!

250
00:11:51,570 --> 00:11:52,638
That's fair.

251
00:11:52,738 --> 00:11:55,807
We want to learn
from the horror you survived.

252
00:11:55,909 --> 00:11:56,775
Look...

253
00:11:56,876 --> 00:11:58,810
<i>Scary Movie 3</i> and <i>4</i>

254
00:11:58,912 --> 00:12:00,379
paid me
a lot of money for a girl--

255
00:12:00,479 --> 00:12:02,481
There is nothing
to learn there.

256
00:12:02,581 --> 00:12:05,517
But if you want to talk
about <i>The House Bunny,</i> shoot.

257
00:12:05,617 --> 00:12:07,119
It's happening again!

258
00:12:07,219 --> 00:12:10,924
Some asshole in a mask.
We have to stop him.

259
00:12:11,024 --> 00:12:13,026
You're not ready, lovebug.

260
00:12:13,125 --> 00:12:16,061
I have been preparing
for this for years.

261
00:12:16,161 --> 00:12:18,096
Sacrificed everything.

262
00:12:18,196 --> 00:12:21,233
You were a terrible mother.
Come on, honey

263
00:12:21,333 --> 00:12:23,168
we had some good times.

264
00:12:23,268 --> 00:12:27,172
Like that Christmas I took you
to meet Santa at the mall.

265
00:12:36,748 --> 00:12:37,683
Move!

266
00:12:38,150 --> 00:12:39,718
Hi, Santa.

267
00:12:39,818 --> 00:12:43,022
Sorry if I don't
sit in your lap.

268
00:12:43,121 --> 00:12:44,456
You creep me out.

269
00:12:52,164 --> 00:12:53,298
Mom?

270
00:12:53,933 --> 00:12:55,969
Santa gave me a severed arm!

271
00:12:56,069 --> 00:12:58,103
Be sure to thank him.

272
00:13:04,676 --> 00:13:06,678
Is that a foot?

273
00:13:06,778 --> 00:13:08,280
Ew, that's gross.

274
00:13:09,781 --> 00:13:10,883
What the fuck?

275
00:13:13,019 --> 00:13:15,088
<i>I am sorry</i>

276
00:13:15,187 --> 00:13:18,024
if that's how you found out
Santa doesn't exist.

277
00:13:18,123 --> 00:13:19,926
Ugh, Mother, I need your help!

278
00:13:20,026 --> 00:13:23,595
To heal our emotional wounds
and put the past behind us?

279
00:13:23,695 --> 00:13:25,263
Oh, God, no.

280
00:13:25,364 --> 00:13:27,967
No, to kill Ghostface!

281
00:13:28,067 --> 00:13:29,701
Do you have any guns?

282
00:13:31,004 --> 00:13:33,705
I am Cindy fucking Campbell.

283
00:13:33,805 --> 00:13:35,540
I've got millions of guns!

284
00:13:35,641 --> 00:13:36,375
But, um,

285
00:13:36,475 --> 00:13:38,176
none of them are registered

286
00:13:38,276 --> 00:13:40,379
due to my mental health issues.

287
00:13:40,479 --> 00:13:44,249
So, if you could just keep that
on the low--

288
00:13:44,349 --> 00:13:46,318
- Okay.
- Oh!

289
00:13:46,418 --> 00:13:47,987
Yeah, I'm gonna be fine.

290
00:13:48,087 --> 00:13:49,554
I didn't hurt myself
on any of these spikes.

291
00:13:58,031 --> 00:13:59,932
Oh, hey,
so I spoke to Sara earlier.

292
00:14:00,033 --> 00:14:01,333
Oh, is she coming?
You know,

293
00:14:01,433 --> 00:14:02,935
I did hear
a buzzing sound.

294
00:14:03,036 --> 00:14:04,569
So it's possible.
No.

295
00:14:04,670 --> 00:14:07,706
I meant
to Woodsville, dumbass.
Oh. Yeah, I forgot to ask.

296
00:14:07,806 --> 00:14:09,241
Hey, Jimbo! Go deep!

297
00:14:09,341 --> 00:14:10,475
Yeah, yeah!
Throw it, throw it!

298
00:14:10,575 --> 00:14:12,244
Oh!

299
00:14:12,344 --> 00:14:13,679
Sweet!

300
00:14:14,212 --> 00:14:15,547
Speaking of going deep...

301
00:14:15,647 --> 00:14:17,616
Uh, I don't know
if it's a good time.

302
00:14:17,716 --> 00:14:19,384
Everyone knows
what happens to teenagers

303
00:14:19,484 --> 00:14:21,087
who try to make love when
there's a killer on the loose.

304
00:14:21,186 --> 00:14:22,654
Brad's right
about one thing, guys.

305
00:14:22,754 --> 00:14:25,357
Okay, Ghostface is back.
We need to arm up.

306
00:14:25,457 --> 00:14:28,061
Pepper spray, check.

307
00:14:28,161 --> 00:14:29,929
Taser, check.

308
00:14:30,029 --> 00:14:31,496
Butt plug,

309
00:14:31,596 --> 00:14:33,166
double check.

310
00:14:33,265 --> 00:14:34,332
Goddamn!

311
00:14:34,433 --> 00:14:36,201
You just carry that thing
around?

312
00:14:36,301 --> 00:14:37,937
It's easy to hide.

313
00:14:41,074 --> 00:14:43,608
In your butt.

314
00:14:44,110 --> 00:14:45,577
I'm impressed.

315
00:14:54,921 --> 00:14:58,490
What's up, y'all? I'm back!

316
00:14:59,959 --> 00:15:00,960
Shit, son!

317
00:15:01,060 --> 00:15:03,029
Hey, what's up, Unc?
"Unc"?

318
00:15:03,129 --> 00:15:05,630
I'm tired of you
little Gen Z Alpha niggas

319
00:15:05,731 --> 00:15:07,967
using terms like "unc"
and "auntie".

320
00:15:08,067 --> 00:15:10,469
Gaslighting and glazing
and glamping,

321
00:15:10,569 --> 00:15:12,504
trying to make my generation
sound old.

322
00:15:12,604 --> 00:15:14,173
I ain't your damn unc, nigga!

323
00:15:14,272 --> 00:15:16,541
Shorty, you're our
mother's brother, so, yeah,

324
00:15:16,641 --> 00:15:18,310
technically, you are our uncle.

325
00:15:18,410 --> 00:15:21,279
Oh.
My bad.

326
00:15:21,379 --> 00:15:23,916
Crazy that they let you
teach here.

327
00:15:24,016 --> 00:15:26,485
Teach? Nah, nigga.

328
00:15:26,585 --> 00:15:27,719
I attend.

329
00:15:27,819 --> 00:15:31,891
You looking at a proud
25th-year senior.

330
00:15:31,991 --> 00:15:34,994
As a matter of fact, nigga,
you were in my Sex Ed class.

331
00:15:35,094 --> 00:15:37,130
Boy, you're really smart.

332
00:15:37,230 --> 00:15:39,065
You know a lot about penises.

333
00:15:39,165 --> 00:15:42,334
You should be like,
like a veterinarian,

334
00:15:42,434 --> 00:15:43,903
but for dick.

335
00:15:44,803 --> 00:15:46,738
When are you
finally gonna graduate?

336
00:15:46,839 --> 00:15:49,108
By the time we do a sequel
and I got to follow
you little young niggas

337
00:15:49,208 --> 00:15:50,275
to college to get my check.

338
00:15:50,375 --> 00:15:52,211
Wait, guys. Tuesday's awake!

339
00:15:52,344 --> 00:15:54,546
All right! Tuesday!
Who the fuck is Tuesday?

340
00:15:54,646 --> 00:15:55,781
Hey, we gotta go
to the hospital.

341
00:15:55,882 --> 00:15:58,683
You gonna take the bus home?
No. The PJ.

342
00:15:58,784 --> 00:16:00,219
Private jet?

343
00:16:00,318 --> 00:16:01,319
Yeah. Jealous?

344
00:16:01,419 --> 00:16:02,754
Man, you smoke weed all day.

345
00:16:02,855 --> 00:16:05,390
Just play video games,
you live-stream.

346
00:16:05,490 --> 00:16:06,792
You literally got money
doing nothing.

347
00:16:06,893 --> 00:16:10,295
Exactly. I leave the hard work
for the old heads.

348
00:16:10,395 --> 00:16:11,998
Shit, son!

349
00:16:13,331 --> 00:16:15,467
Still the same Shorty.
Aight.

350
00:16:15,567 --> 00:16:17,236
Check my crypto, nigga.

351
00:16:17,335 --> 00:16:19,205
Aw, shit,
I'm up three million dollars!

352
00:16:21,073 --> 00:16:23,276
Damn,
now I'm down five million.

353
00:16:23,375 --> 00:16:25,878
This shit crazy, son.

354
00:17:00,712 --> 00:17:01,446
Ray!

355
00:17:01,546 --> 00:17:03,415
Sister Brenda, it's okay.

356
00:17:03,515 --> 00:17:05,684
You heard the call of sin,
yes, you did.

357
00:17:05,784 --> 00:17:07,153
But the Lord has called on us

358
00:17:07,253 --> 00:17:09,889
to show men
such like you the way.

359
00:17:09,989 --> 00:17:12,892
Come on, son! Come with us.

360
00:17:12,992 --> 00:17:14,359
Come on us.

361
00:17:14,459 --> 00:17:17,296
God see you coming.
So don't cheat that come.

362
00:17:17,395 --> 00:17:21,433
We need you to come
like you never came before.

363
00:17:21,533 --> 00:17:23,401
Come for the Father,
come for the Son.

364
00:17:23,501 --> 00:17:25,737
I'ma hold your hand
and we gonna come together.

365
00:17:25,838 --> 00:17:28,440
- God is good, man!
- Yes, sir.

366
00:17:28,540 --> 00:17:29,674
Thank you, Jesus.

367
00:17:29,774 --> 00:17:30,475
Amen.

368
00:17:30,575 --> 00:17:31,476
Hallelujah.

369
00:17:31,576 --> 00:17:32,945
There you go.

370
00:17:33,045 --> 00:17:38,251
In the name of God,
let it go, Ray! Let it go!

371
00:17:38,351 --> 00:17:39,185
Nigga!

372
00:17:39,285 --> 00:17:41,320
Oh, my bad.

373
00:17:41,419 --> 00:17:42,787
Last time.

374
00:17:45,557 --> 00:17:49,328
Let's welcome a new member
to our congre-gay-tion.

375
00:17:49,427 --> 00:17:50,795
Let the people know

376
00:17:50,897 --> 00:17:53,199
how you feel, brother.
There you go.

377
00:17:57,669 --> 00:18:00,106
I'm not gay no more.

378
00:18:00,206 --> 00:18:03,109
Hallelujah!

379
00:18:03,209 --> 00:18:04,076
Yes, sir!

380
00:18:04,176 --> 00:18:05,443
I'm not gay no more!

381
00:18:05,543 --> 00:18:06,979
Praise the lord!

382
00:18:07,079 --> 00:18:08,413
I'm not gay no more!

383
00:18:08,513 --> 00:18:10,016
He not gay no more.

384
00:18:10,116 --> 00:18:12,318
I've been delivered!

385
00:18:12,417 --> 00:18:14,552
I'll no longer date a mans!

386
00:18:14,653 --> 00:18:15,888
Even if he's sexy as hell

387
00:18:15,988 --> 00:18:18,556
with a big old chesteses
and perky areolas!

388
00:18:18,657 --> 00:18:20,026
Oh, yeah,
you still got a secret.

389
00:18:20,126 --> 00:18:23,930
I'll no longer
carry a purse, put on makeup,

390
00:18:24,030 --> 00:18:24,997
walk around in high heels.

391
00:18:25,097 --> 00:18:26,399
What?

392
00:18:26,498 --> 00:18:28,700
Red bottoms. The one with
the cute little buckle

393
00:18:28,800 --> 00:18:30,468
on the side.
Those is my shoes.

394
00:18:30,568 --> 00:18:34,407
I'll no longer go on Grindr
and swipe right

395
00:18:34,506 --> 00:18:36,275
at Black mens...
Hmm?

396
00:18:36,375 --> 00:18:38,411
...white mens, Asian mens.

397
00:18:38,510 --> 00:18:40,779
You been on Grindr?
I'll no longer take trips

398
00:18:40,880 --> 00:18:43,715
to the Philippines
looking for ladyboys.

399
00:18:43,815 --> 00:18:46,919
To Phuket. Ko Samui.
Back to Phuket.

400
00:18:47,019 --> 00:18:49,388
Then to Vietnam to see
if I can get them any cheaper.

401
00:18:49,487 --> 00:18:51,589
I thought that was for
our anniversary, Ray.

402
00:18:51,690 --> 00:18:53,525
Oh, this nigga
got a lot of miles.

403
00:18:53,625 --> 00:18:55,794
I'll no longer stand
butt naked in a mirror

404
00:18:55,895 --> 00:18:57,897
with my penis
tucked between my legs...

405
00:18:57,997 --> 00:19:00,765
...dancing like the dude
from <i>Silence of the Lambs.</i>

406
00:19:00,866 --> 00:19:02,868
"It puts the lotion
in the basket, Precious."

407
00:19:02,969 --> 00:19:05,972
I'm a changed man!
I've been delivered!

408
00:19:06,072 --> 00:19:07,873
Shit.
I will!

409
00:19:07,974 --> 00:19:09,541
I said I will!

410
00:19:09,641 --> 00:19:12,244
I will love a woman!

411
00:19:13,678 --> 00:19:14,679
Womans, womans, womans!

412
00:19:14,779 --> 00:19:16,648
You can take that "W-O" off.

413
00:19:16,748 --> 00:19:18,117
Womans, womans, womans!

414
00:19:18,217 --> 00:19:20,386
Mens-es, mens-es, mens-es.

415
00:19:20,485 --> 00:19:22,754
Womans--

416
00:19:26,125 --> 00:19:27,893
No, no. No, no, Ray. No, no.

417
00:19:34,467 --> 00:19:35,968
Gulp, gulp, gulp.

418
00:19:36,068 --> 00:19:38,304
Whoa, nigga.

419
00:19:38,404 --> 00:19:40,272
Hawk tuah,
hawk tuah, hawk tuah!

420
00:19:40,373 --> 00:19:41,941
You hocking on it?

421
00:19:42,041 --> 00:19:44,010
I've been delivered!

422
00:20:12,737 --> 00:20:15,673
Tuesday, Tuesday.

423
00:20:16,308 --> 00:20:18,144
Oh, my God.

424
00:20:18,244 --> 00:20:20,246
Her face. All contorted.

425
00:20:20,346 --> 00:20:22,081
Oh, my God, and the moaning.

426
00:20:28,154 --> 00:20:30,523
I've been trying to get that
out for an hour.

427
00:20:30,622 --> 00:20:32,624
How you feeling, Tues?

428
00:20:32,724 --> 00:20:35,061
Hey, what are they giving you
for the pain? Is that--

429
00:20:35,161 --> 00:20:37,396
Is that morphine or...?

430
00:20:37,496 --> 00:20:39,498
Bitch.
Let's see.

431
00:20:41,434 --> 00:20:43,568
Oh, yeah!

432
00:20:43,668 --> 00:20:46,704
Oh, this that good, good.

433
00:20:46,805 --> 00:20:48,307
This that
Britney Spears shit.

434
00:20:48,407 --> 00:20:49,607
Makes me want to
get half-naked,

435
00:20:49,707 --> 00:20:52,078
dance around
and juggle some knives.

436
00:20:52,178 --> 00:20:54,612
Sara, who's that
Jeffrey Dahmer look-a-like?

437
00:20:54,712 --> 00:20:57,483
Oh. This is my boyfriend, Jack.

438
00:20:57,582 --> 00:20:59,784
Really nice to meet you.

439
00:21:00,553 --> 00:21:01,887
Looks like Ted Bundy to me.

440
00:21:01,987 --> 00:21:04,423
But that ain't
none of my business.

441
00:21:04,523 --> 00:21:06,525
Mm-hmm. Mm!

442
00:21:06,624 --> 00:21:08,626
This little stabbed-up
bitch here needs some rest.

443
00:21:08,726 --> 00:21:11,063
So y'all get the fuck out!

444
00:21:11,163 --> 00:21:12,164
Yes, ma'am.

445
00:21:13,065 --> 00:21:14,632
Oh, not you, Sara.

446
00:21:14,732 --> 00:21:17,103
Why? What did I do?

447
00:21:18,003 --> 00:21:19,905
I'm so scared.

448
00:21:20,005 --> 00:21:23,542
Oh, Tues,
you should be.

449
00:21:23,641 --> 00:21:26,412
You've been stabbed nine times.

450
00:21:26,512 --> 00:21:28,713
And the killer knows
where you live.

451
00:21:28,813 --> 00:21:31,250
I would invite you to come
stay at my place, but

452
00:21:31,350 --> 00:21:34,220
I don't really want
that kind of juju in my house.

453
00:21:34,320 --> 00:21:35,488
For all we know,

454
00:21:35,588 --> 00:21:37,890
he's standing
right outside that door.

455
00:21:43,229 --> 00:21:45,397
That's comforting, Sara.

456
00:21:45,498 --> 00:21:46,731
I thought I was gonna die.

457
00:21:46,832 --> 00:21:48,901
I know, me too!

458
00:21:49,001 --> 00:21:51,470
I planned your funeral.

459
00:21:51,570 --> 00:21:54,240
What the hell?
And I wrote your obituary.

460
00:21:54,340 --> 00:21:56,275
More like ChatGPT wrote it.

461
00:21:56,375 --> 00:21:57,576
But you're still here.

462
00:21:57,675 --> 00:22:00,146
And I will never
let anyone hurt you.

463
00:22:01,614 --> 00:22:04,250
Oh, yum! Ice chips!

464
00:22:04,350 --> 00:22:05,717
Oh, God!

465
00:22:05,817 --> 00:22:07,553
Get off me!

466
00:22:09,455 --> 00:22:10,688
Help!

467
00:22:10,788 --> 00:22:12,525
This white girl can't die
on my shift!

468
00:22:12,625 --> 00:22:13,993
I'm a DEI hire!

469
00:22:14,093 --> 00:22:16,761
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
She was fine a second ago.

470
00:22:16,862 --> 00:22:19,198
No! No, I'm good! I'm good!
Clear!

471
00:22:19,298 --> 00:22:21,000
Again!

472
00:22:21,100 --> 00:22:23,569
Come on, white bitch,
I need this job! Clear!

473
00:22:23,668 --> 00:22:25,504
It's not working!
Clear!

474
00:22:25,604 --> 00:22:28,274
We're losing her.

475
00:22:28,374 --> 00:22:29,875
Harder!

476
00:22:33,012 --> 00:22:34,346
Oh, boy.

477
00:22:34,446 --> 00:22:36,248
Look like there ain't
nothing left

478
00:22:36,348 --> 00:22:38,851
but thoughts,
prayers and pork rinds.

479
00:22:39,585 --> 00:22:40,685
Dear Lord.

480
00:22:40,785 --> 00:22:42,754
Nurse Ratchett,
check out the wire!

481
00:22:42,855 --> 00:22:45,291
<i>The Wire</i> was the shit, baby.
That's my show.

482
00:22:45,391 --> 00:22:47,126
Drugs and that Idris Elba

483
00:22:47,226 --> 00:22:49,528
make this coochie
want to pop, pop, pop!

484
00:22:49,628 --> 00:22:51,830
Dear Lord, please

485
00:22:51,931 --> 00:22:53,499
accept this white bitch's--

486
00:22:53,599 --> 00:22:55,134
Oh!

487
00:22:55,234 --> 00:22:57,735
The Lord works
in mysterious ways.

488
00:22:58,437 --> 00:22:59,572
I'm going on break.

489
00:22:59,672 --> 00:23:01,407
Oh, Tues.

490
00:23:01,507 --> 00:23:02,875
I will never let anyone

491
00:23:02,975 --> 00:23:05,644
hurt you again.
Mm-mm.

492
00:23:09,348 --> 00:23:10,782
Ooh! My bad.

493
00:23:22,628 --> 00:23:23,761
Hello?

494
00:23:23,862 --> 00:23:26,332
<i>Hello, Sara.</i>

495
00:23:26,432 --> 00:23:27,833
Who is this?

496
00:23:27,933 --> 00:23:31,570
<i>Someone</i>
<i>who knows your little secret.</i>

497
00:23:31,670 --> 00:23:34,340
No, no, I swear
that wasn't a Nazi salute!

498
00:23:34,440 --> 00:23:35,807
Okay? I won Prom Queen

499
00:23:35,908 --> 00:23:37,876
and I was-- I was
throwing my heart to the crowd!

500
00:23:37,977 --> 00:23:42,681
<i>No, I'm talking</i>
<i>about your family secret.</i>

501
00:23:44,049 --> 00:23:47,019
Oh, you're the fuck
who hurt my sister.

502
00:23:47,119 --> 00:23:49,121
<i>Well, I had</i>
<i>to get you to come back here.</i>

503
00:23:49,221 --> 00:23:51,857
Listen, if you want
to fuck with me, asshole,

504
00:23:51,957 --> 00:23:53,525
then come and get me!

505
00:23:53,626 --> 00:23:55,094
With pleasure.

506
00:23:58,564 --> 00:24:01,367
Help!

507
00:24:01,467 --> 00:24:03,369
Somebody help!

508
00:24:03,469 --> 00:24:06,372
Please, somebody help!

509
00:24:07,139 --> 00:24:08,607
Bitch!

510
00:24:08,707 --> 00:24:10,175
This the break room.

511
00:24:10,276 --> 00:24:11,210
Mm-hmm.

512
00:24:11,310 --> 00:24:12,344
We on break.

513
00:24:12,444 --> 00:24:14,079
- Oh, God.
- Preach.

514
00:24:20,419 --> 00:24:21,920
Take that!

515
00:24:22,021 --> 00:24:24,056
Oof!

516
00:24:25,524 --> 00:24:26,824
Please, save me!

517
00:24:26,925 --> 00:24:29,662
I've been saving people
all day!

518
00:24:29,762 --> 00:24:31,530
So you handle yours.

519
00:24:31,630 --> 00:24:33,198
I'll be right over here

520
00:24:33,299 --> 00:24:36,435
eating my falafel
and my pork rinds.

521
00:24:36,535 --> 00:24:38,504
I look like your mama?

522
00:24:40,139 --> 00:24:43,275
- Try me now!
- Break's over.

523
00:24:49,648 --> 00:24:51,150
You're welcome.

524
00:24:53,719 --> 00:24:57,323
It really looks like
you got hit with
something hard. Like metal.

525
00:24:57,423 --> 00:24:59,458
I told you, I fell.

526
00:24:59,558 --> 00:25:03,862
Now where exactly
are we going?
To talk to an expert.

527
00:25:15,541 --> 00:25:16,742
Go away!

528
00:25:16,842 --> 00:25:18,410
I'm so sorry to bother you.
We just--

529
00:25:18,510 --> 00:25:20,045
We just want to ask you
a few questions.

530
00:25:20,145 --> 00:25:21,847
Give me one good reason

531
00:25:21,947 --> 00:25:23,382
why I should talk to you.

532
00:25:23,482 --> 00:25:24,616
I'm white.

533
00:25:24,717 --> 00:25:26,452
How white?
Oh, I'm talking

534
00:25:26,552 --> 00:25:28,120
Candace Owens white.

535
00:25:28,954 --> 00:25:30,689
Oh.
Six feet.

536
00:25:30,789 --> 00:25:31,924
When you said expert,
I assumed you meant

537
00:25:32,024 --> 00:25:33,425
more like
Neil deGrasse Tyson or--

538
00:25:33,525 --> 00:25:34,526
Shut up.

539
00:25:34,626 --> 00:25:35,994
I'm Sara Campbell.

540
00:25:36,095 --> 00:25:38,364
I was attacked last night.
I think you should leave.

541
00:25:38,464 --> 00:25:41,133
I don't want to get stabbed.
And I don't want Covid, okay?

542
00:25:41,233 --> 00:25:42,768
Please, come on. Just--
Let's go.

543
00:25:42,868 --> 00:25:44,136
Just two minutes,
that's all I'm asking.

544
00:25:44,236 --> 00:25:45,437
No. No.

545
00:25:45,537 --> 00:25:47,072
I'll give you eight minutes.

546
00:25:48,640 --> 00:25:49,908
And another thing.

547
00:25:50,008 --> 00:25:52,544
I got to test you for Covid.

548
00:25:54,346 --> 00:25:55,581
Ohh!

549
00:25:55,681 --> 00:25:56,782
Ahh...

550
00:25:56,882 --> 00:25:58,250
You guys are good.

551
00:25:58,350 --> 00:26:00,185
<i>When did the work week</i>
<i>become the "woke week"?</i>

552
00:26:00,285 --> 00:26:03,355
<i>We've got Black Friday.</i>
<i>What's next, Mulatto Monday?</i>

553
00:26:03,455 --> 00:26:05,124
<i>I mean, Yellow Thursday?</i>

554
00:26:05,224 --> 00:26:07,826
<i>Tan Tuesday? Come on.</i>

555
00:26:10,162 --> 00:26:11,697
Let me get this
out of your way.

556
00:26:11,797 --> 00:26:13,232
Oh!
Sorry.

557
00:26:15,467 --> 00:26:17,736
Oh, you, uh, have a cat.

558
00:26:17,837 --> 00:26:19,371
I don't have a cat.

559
00:26:22,441 --> 00:26:23,642
Gail has cats.

560
00:26:23,742 --> 00:26:25,644
You know, she's got
really nice cats.
Oh, no.

561
00:26:25,744 --> 00:26:27,312
A nice pussycat.

562
00:26:27,413 --> 00:26:29,515
Sometimes it can be
a little stinky.

563
00:26:29,615 --> 00:26:31,683
Oh!
Covid tests are done.

564
00:26:32,718 --> 00:26:34,219
Yup! You're good.

565
00:26:36,088 --> 00:26:37,656
You're Cindy's daughter, right?

566
00:26:37,756 --> 00:26:39,191
Yeah.
Yeah.

567
00:26:39,291 --> 00:26:42,995
I don't know him.
This is Jack.
My love interest.

568
00:26:43,095 --> 00:26:44,396
No! No, no, no.

569
00:26:44,496 --> 00:26:47,867
Rule Number One
of surviving a horror movie is,

570
00:26:47,966 --> 00:26:50,335
"Never trust
the love interest."

571
00:26:50,436 --> 00:26:51,537
Look at him!

572
00:26:51,637 --> 00:26:55,274
He's got that weird lazy eye,
poking one way

573
00:26:55,374 --> 00:26:58,677
and then he's drooling
like a psychopath.

574
00:26:58,777 --> 00:27:00,646
He's got that stump leg.

575
00:27:00,746 --> 00:27:03,048
Makes him all walk weird
and creepy.

576
00:27:03,148 --> 00:27:05,951
I don't have a stump.
Well, that guy does.

577
00:27:06,051 --> 00:27:09,254
Oh, I'm looking at me.

578
00:27:09,354 --> 00:27:12,791
Special Officer Doofy. Retired.

579
00:27:12,892 --> 00:27:15,895
Listen, Doofy,
we could really use your help.

580
00:27:15,994 --> 00:27:18,063
No. I can't go back
to that life.

581
00:27:18,163 --> 00:27:20,732
Plus, we're in the middle
of a global pandemic!

582
00:27:20,834 --> 00:27:22,167
Okay, I hate
to break it to you,

583
00:27:22,267 --> 00:27:24,938
but Covid has been over
for, like, years.

584
00:27:25,037 --> 00:27:27,005
Hmm.
Really?

585
00:27:27,105 --> 00:27:28,474
- Yeah.
- Yeah.

586
00:27:30,910 --> 00:27:32,344
Damn it!

587
00:27:32,444 --> 00:27:35,414
What am I gonna do
with all this canned meat?

588
00:27:36,582 --> 00:27:39,685
Get out! I don't want
Ghostface to find me.

589
00:27:39,785 --> 00:27:41,253
And don't come back!

590
00:27:53,833 --> 00:27:55,400
It's the sound of the police.

591
00:28:00,439 --> 00:28:03,943
Special Officer Doofy,
reporting for duty.

592
00:28:04,042 --> 00:28:06,778
Okay, just because he showered
doesn't mean that--

593
00:28:06,880 --> 00:28:08,046
No, I didn't shower.

594
00:28:08,146 --> 00:28:10,382
I just take water
from my mouth and--

595
00:28:10,482 --> 00:28:12,451
You want some? Okay.
No, that's okay.

596
00:28:12,551 --> 00:28:14,888
Come on, Doofy.
Yeah, let's do it.

597
00:28:14,988 --> 00:28:17,089
Watch your step.
Okay. I'm watching.

598
00:28:35,741 --> 00:28:38,243
Brain freeze!

599
00:28:51,590 --> 00:28:53,425
<i>Sara, is your</i>
<i>ghetto-ass mom coming</i>

600
00:28:53,525 --> 00:28:55,028
or can we start talking
about this plot?

601
00:28:55,127 --> 00:28:57,229
Uh...

602
00:28:59,298 --> 00:29:00,465
Hi.

603
00:29:00,566 --> 00:29:01,800
You came.

604
00:29:01,901 --> 00:29:03,702
Not in, like, 15 years, honey.

605
00:29:03,802 --> 00:29:06,204
But I did buy this new rose,

606
00:29:06,305 --> 00:29:08,240
so fingers crossed.

607
00:29:11,710 --> 00:29:13,211
Oh.

608
00:29:13,312 --> 00:29:14,513
Oh!

609
00:29:14,613 --> 00:29:16,782
Oh, my old friend!

610
00:29:16,883 --> 00:29:19,184
You taught me how to dance.

611
00:29:19,284 --> 00:29:21,988
How to make a high N-word pie.

612
00:29:22,087 --> 00:29:24,489
Nigga, I'm right
in back of you.

613
00:29:24,590 --> 00:29:25,190
Shorty!

614
00:29:25,290 --> 00:29:26,725
What's up, Cindy?

615
00:29:26,825 --> 00:29:28,928
How you doing? My nigga.

616
00:29:29,028 --> 00:29:31,430
Shit, son!

617
00:29:32,531 --> 00:29:33,599
I love the hair.

618
00:29:33,699 --> 00:29:36,535
It's very Mickey Rourke
in <i>The Wrestler.</i>

619
00:29:36,635 --> 00:29:37,870
Yeah.

620
00:29:37,971 --> 00:29:39,571
I can't believe you thought
I was dead.

621
00:29:39,671 --> 00:29:42,407
Well, between cancer
from the weed smoke,

622
00:29:42,507 --> 00:29:45,011
your love of the McRib
and racist cops,

623
00:29:45,110 --> 00:29:46,445
I didn't think
you had a chance.

624
00:29:46,545 --> 00:29:48,780
Yeah,
that's a terrible combination.

625
00:29:49,381 --> 00:29:51,783
Hi, Cin.
Stop smiling at me!

626
00:29:54,686 --> 00:29:56,089
Shit! WorldStar!

627
00:29:56,188 --> 00:29:58,123
WorldStar! WorldStar!

628
00:29:58,223 --> 00:30:00,459
Hey,
he's intellectually disabled!

629
00:30:00,559 --> 00:30:02,728
That's just how he looks,
you drunk honky.

630
00:30:02,829 --> 00:30:03,997
Hey, hey, hey!

631
00:30:04,097 --> 00:30:05,697
Don't call that white bitch
a honky.

632
00:30:05,797 --> 00:30:06,966
C'mon, have some respect.

633
00:30:07,066 --> 00:30:09,869
I keep seeing people
smiling everywhere.

634
00:30:09,969 --> 00:30:11,336
I'm not very likable,

635
00:30:11,436 --> 00:30:13,438
so it must be
some kind of curse.

636
00:30:13,538 --> 00:30:15,574
Hey, everybody!
She's high.

637
00:30:15,674 --> 00:30:16,876
Look what I got.

638
00:30:16,976 --> 00:30:18,543
Non-branded gelatin shots

639
00:30:18,644 --> 00:30:21,047
made with grain alcohol
and GHB.

640
00:30:21,179 --> 00:30:22,347
So ain't nobody sipping nothing

641
00:30:22,447 --> 00:30:24,050
they didn't consent to
like last time,

642
00:30:24,149 --> 00:30:25,250
which I apologize.
Mm-hmm.

643
00:30:25,350 --> 00:30:27,053
Take one.
I love roofying myself.

644
00:30:28,353 --> 00:30:29,122
No, Ma. No, Mama.
You sure, baby?

645
00:30:29,221 --> 00:30:30,489
Hi, Brenda.

646
00:30:30,589 --> 00:30:32,658
Please do not call me
by my government name.

647
00:30:32,758 --> 00:30:34,593
Call me Ma.

648
00:30:35,560 --> 00:30:36,261
Cindy!

649
00:30:36,361 --> 00:30:37,864
Oh, my God!

650
00:30:38,831 --> 00:30:39,798
You dropped the tray.

651
00:30:39,899 --> 00:30:41,067
Oh, my God, Cindy,

652
00:30:41,166 --> 00:30:43,036
I haven't seen you in forever!

653
00:30:43,136 --> 00:30:45,872
My God, look at you!
You look the same!

654
00:30:45,972 --> 00:30:47,305
Minus the crow's feet.

655
00:30:47,406 --> 00:30:49,541
And your hair is so dry.

656
00:30:49,641 --> 00:30:52,511
Oh, and your titties
dropped so far.

657
00:30:52,611 --> 00:30:55,447
Other than that,
you look the exact same.

658
00:30:55,547 --> 00:30:57,315
What have you been up to?

659
00:30:57,416 --> 00:30:59,484
Oh, you know,
neglecting my children

660
00:30:59,584 --> 00:31:02,989
so I can prepare
to kill Ghostface
should he ever return.

661
00:31:03,089 --> 00:31:04,456
What about you?

662
00:31:04,556 --> 00:31:06,926
Well, I been mostly just
getting high school kids drunk

663
00:31:07,026 --> 00:31:08,360
in a desperate attempt
to stay young

664
00:31:08,460 --> 00:31:09,594
and keep my kids at home.

665
00:31:09,695 --> 00:31:11,296
I always knew
you'd be a great mom.

666
00:31:11,396 --> 00:31:12,597
Oh, Cindy!

667
00:31:12,698 --> 00:31:14,867
Should we hug?
Oh, I really want to,

668
00:31:14,967 --> 00:31:18,270
but I'm a Republican now
so I'm supposed to be racist.

669
00:31:18,370 --> 00:31:21,007
Oh, girl, I think all
white people are racist anyway.

670
00:31:21,107 --> 00:31:22,207
Come here.
Okay.

671
00:31:22,307 --> 00:31:24,177
Mm!
Oh!

672
00:31:24,276 --> 00:31:27,146
You want a shot? Yeah? Here.
Oh, yes, yes, please.

673
00:31:27,245 --> 00:31:29,414
You know, Ma,
this place could be so cool

674
00:31:29,514 --> 00:31:32,118
if you had, like,
a-a beer pong table over there,

675
00:31:32,217 --> 00:31:33,518
and maybe, like, a snack wall.

676
00:31:33,618 --> 00:31:35,253
What you know about cool?
When I was your age,

677
00:31:35,353 --> 00:31:37,823
I was popping bottles
with Puffy, Puff Daddy,

678
00:31:37,924 --> 00:31:39,158
P. Diddy, Diddy.

679
00:31:39,257 --> 00:31:40,726
All the Seans.

680
00:31:40,826 --> 00:31:43,595
That didn't age well.
Your momma was the freak

681
00:31:43,695 --> 00:31:44,496
in the freak-offs.

682
00:31:44,596 --> 00:31:46,165
Shit, son!

683
00:31:46,264 --> 00:31:47,532
You want to see something cool?

684
00:31:47,632 --> 00:31:50,335
I'ma show you something cool.

685
00:31:57,176 --> 00:31:58,343
God, that's cool.

686
00:31:58,443 --> 00:31:59,644
What are you doing?

687
00:31:59,745 --> 00:32:00,378
What?

688
00:32:00,479 --> 00:32:01,713
No, not like that.

689
00:32:01,813 --> 00:32:02,581
Like this.

690
00:32:02,681 --> 00:32:04,217
Oh, yeah.

691
00:32:04,316 --> 00:32:06,986
I don't know why
y'all acting so scared.

692
00:32:07,086 --> 00:32:08,187
The gun ain't even loaded.

693
00:32:08,286 --> 00:32:09,688
Shit!

694
00:32:09,788 --> 00:32:11,924
Oh, shit, son!

695
00:32:12,524 --> 00:32:14,193
Uh-oh. I did it again.

696
00:32:17,462 --> 00:32:19,264
I always forget that last one
in the chamber.

697
00:32:19,364 --> 00:32:20,332
Help me move this body.

698
00:32:20,432 --> 00:32:21,600
Yeah, you got it.

699
00:32:21,700 --> 00:32:23,035
That was fun.

700
00:32:23,136 --> 00:32:24,469
Oh, so, what are you doing

701
00:32:24,569 --> 00:32:27,006
- after this?
- I want to go to Cabo.

702
00:32:27,106 --> 00:32:28,740
Oh, I love Cabo!

703
00:32:28,841 --> 00:32:30,542
You know what?

704
00:32:30,642 --> 00:32:32,778
I used to put cocaine
up my hoo-hah
and travel there all the time.

705
00:32:32,879 --> 00:32:35,647
Well, that's because
you're so smart.
Yeah.

706
00:32:41,020 --> 00:32:41,954
Oh.

707
00:32:43,455 --> 00:32:46,358
All right.
Let's get back to the plot.

708
00:32:46,458 --> 00:32:48,227
I'm looking at you,
Ted Bundy eyes.

709
00:32:48,326 --> 00:32:49,528
Looking like a school shooter.

710
00:32:49,628 --> 00:32:50,595
I think you the killer.

711
00:32:50,695 --> 00:32:52,064
- Oh, me?
- Mm-hmm.

712
00:32:52,165 --> 00:32:53,765
Okay, what about
Deputy Doofy over there?

713
00:32:53,866 --> 00:32:57,203
I-I don't have a motive.
You know, what's my motive?

714
00:32:57,302 --> 00:32:58,838
You were the killer
in the first movie.

715
00:32:58,938 --> 00:33:01,573
Shouldn't you be locked up?
No, I got pardoned.

716
00:33:01,673 --> 00:33:04,911
Mostly because of the
storming the Capitol, you know.

717
00:33:05,011 --> 00:33:06,678
Oh.
I got proof.

718
00:33:06,778 --> 00:33:09,381
- This is me. And it's framed.
- Oh.

719
00:33:09,481 --> 00:33:10,850
That's a cool hat.

720
00:33:10,950 --> 00:33:12,717
What about Jess?

721
00:33:13,351 --> 00:33:14,352
What about me?

722
00:33:14,452 --> 00:33:15,654
If anybody here has issues

723
00:33:15,754 --> 00:33:17,056
that could lead to murder...

724
00:33:17,156 --> 00:33:18,590
Okay, I get it!

725
00:33:18,690 --> 00:33:20,592
Trans-shaming
is not cool, okay?

726
00:33:20,692 --> 00:33:22,694
They-- He's just a dude.
Yeah.

727
00:33:22,794 --> 00:33:25,664
Minus the upper body strength
and the dick part.

728
00:33:25,764 --> 00:33:28,034
Hey, you don't know
what I got down here, okay?

729
00:33:28,134 --> 00:33:30,102
I do.
Hey, hey.

730
00:33:30,203 --> 00:33:32,004
Listen, what we know so far

731
00:33:32,104 --> 00:33:33,538
is everyone who's been attacked

732
00:33:33,638 --> 00:33:36,242
is related to
the original characters.

733
00:33:36,341 --> 00:33:37,509
He wants to kill the kids.

734
00:33:37,609 --> 00:33:41,479
Aha! He's making a rebootequel.

735
00:33:41,580 --> 00:33:43,182
- A what now?
- Yeah. It's like,

736
00:33:43,282 --> 00:33:44,516
a reboot and a sequel.

737
00:33:44,616 --> 00:33:46,718
Mixes legacy characters
with new characters

738
00:33:46,818 --> 00:33:49,721
in an attempt to feed into
bullshit nostalgia

739
00:33:49,821 --> 00:33:51,656
and bring more fans
to the theaters.

740
00:33:51,756 --> 00:33:53,893
Just like last year's
<i>I Know What</i>
<i>You Did Last Summer.</i>

741
00:33:55,627 --> 00:33:58,030
That's a movie?
What did I do last summer?

742
00:33:58,130 --> 00:34:00,465
I think you're talking about
<i>The Summer I Turned Pretty.</i>

743
00:34:00,565 --> 00:34:01,868
- Yeah.
- Ray,

744
00:34:01,968 --> 00:34:03,870
when did you get here?
Oh, I been here.

745
00:34:03,970 --> 00:34:06,038
I was just hanging out
by the men's room.

746
00:34:06,138 --> 00:34:07,240
Oh.
My room?

747
00:34:07,340 --> 00:34:08,908
Okay, so that means

748
00:34:09,008 --> 00:34:12,410
that our killer is writing
his own version
of <i>Horror Movie.</i>

749
00:34:12,510 --> 00:34:16,182
Okay, so according to
the re-booty-call rules,

750
00:34:16,282 --> 00:34:17,350
who's the killer?

751
00:34:18,617 --> 00:34:20,752
I think it's pretty obvious.

752
00:34:23,289 --> 00:34:24,323
Who?

753
00:34:24,422 --> 00:34:26,359
You, bitch.
Me?

754
00:34:26,458 --> 00:34:28,361
Guys, I am not the killer.

755
00:34:28,460 --> 00:34:31,463
Ghostface attacked Tues
to lure me back here.

756
00:34:31,563 --> 00:34:35,001
I think he attacked Tuesday
to get you back here

757
00:34:35,101 --> 00:34:37,003
so he could get me back here.

758
00:34:37,103 --> 00:34:39,238
He wants to kill the OGs.

759
00:34:39,338 --> 00:34:40,538
That was a flex.

760
00:34:40,639 --> 00:34:41,941
Yeah, that sounds better.

761
00:34:42,041 --> 00:34:43,441
Aw, fuck this!

762
00:34:43,541 --> 00:34:46,379
And fuck you, Mother!

763
00:34:46,478 --> 00:34:48,047
To your mother?

764
00:34:48,147 --> 00:34:51,516
Hey! Don't be so disrespectful!

765
00:34:51,616 --> 00:34:53,085
And call me Mom!

766
00:34:53,185 --> 00:34:54,320
Or Mommy.

767
00:34:54,419 --> 00:34:56,821
Or whatever's more comfortable.

768
00:34:58,456 --> 00:34:59,691
<i>All units, be advised:</i>

769
00:34:59,791 --> 00:35:01,394
<i>Suspect is still at large.</i>

770
00:35:01,493 --> 00:35:03,029
<i>Black cloak, white mask...</i>

771
00:35:03,129 --> 00:35:04,729
<i>...big-ass knife.</i>

772
00:35:17,343 --> 00:35:20,246
- Talk to me.
<i>- Hello, Sheriff.</i>

773
00:35:20,346 --> 00:35:21,646
Agent Underwood?

774
00:35:21,746 --> 00:35:23,416
<i>I'll give you one hint.</i>

775
00:35:23,515 --> 00:35:25,885
<i>What's your favorite</i>
<i>scary movie?</i>

776
00:35:25,985 --> 00:35:27,954
Well, I'm gonna go
with <i>Saltburn.</i>

777
00:35:28,054 --> 00:35:30,856
I mean, the member on that
English guy was terrifying.

778
00:35:30,957 --> 00:35:34,293
Ken Jeong's junk
in <i>The Hangover</i>
was a much better depiction

779
00:35:34,393 --> 00:35:36,228
of the male anatomy.

780
00:35:36,329 --> 00:35:37,696
Now what do you want, fuckface?

781
00:35:37,796 --> 00:35:39,398
<i>Well,</i>
<i>I'm just calling to tell you</i>

782
00:35:39,497 --> 00:35:41,167
<i>that by the time you get home,</i>

783
00:35:41,267 --> 00:35:44,103
<i>I'll have gutted</i>
<i>your baby girl!</i>

784
00:35:44,203 --> 00:35:47,173
Hey, asshole, she's a boy!

785
00:35:56,215 --> 00:35:57,183
Jess!

786
00:36:12,331 --> 00:36:13,966
Looking for this?

787
00:36:15,134 --> 00:36:16,735
Let me help you.

788
00:36:16,836 --> 00:36:21,140
I got your baby dick.
Winky, winky, winky.

789
00:36:30,049 --> 00:36:32,218
All right.
Here we go.

790
00:36:32,318 --> 00:36:33,818
What do you want, fuckface?

791
00:36:33,919 --> 00:36:37,356
<i>Well,</i>
<i>like father, like, uh, son?</i>

792
00:36:37,456 --> 00:36:38,924
<i>Uh--</i>

793
00:36:39,025 --> 00:36:40,625
<i>I understand</i>
<i>you're home alone.</i>

794
00:36:40,725 --> 00:36:43,929
Well, Dad's out, but
the pool guy, the gardener

795
00:36:44,030 --> 00:36:46,932
and the plumber
are all here, asshole.

796
00:36:47,033 --> 00:36:48,868
<i>Look out your window.</i>

797
00:36:51,770 --> 00:36:53,272
ICE!

798
00:36:53,372 --> 00:36:56,175
No! But they're the backbone
of the American workforce!

799
00:36:56,275 --> 00:36:58,844
And I'm too white
to do those jobs.

800
00:36:58,944 --> 00:37:00,578
<i>Let's cut to the chase.</i>

801
00:37:00,678 --> 00:37:02,680
<i>I'll ask you one question.</i>

802
00:37:02,781 --> 00:37:05,583
<i>If you answer correctly,</i>
<i>you live.</i>

803
00:37:05,683 --> 00:37:09,422
<i>Who was the killer</i>
<i>in</i> Horror Movie?

804
00:37:09,522 --> 00:37:12,657
Oh, that's easy.
It was Bobby and then Gay Ray,

805
00:37:12,757 --> 00:37:14,626
the guy who was
totally into dudes,

806
00:37:14,726 --> 00:37:16,062
even though
he claimed he wasn't.

807
00:37:16,162 --> 00:37:18,130
Classic 2000s homophobia.

808
00:37:18,230 --> 00:37:19,631
But I got you, bitch.

809
00:37:19,731 --> 00:37:22,600
<i>Wrong! You forgot</i>
<i>Special Officer Doofy.</i>

810
00:37:22,700 --> 00:37:25,703
<i>Now you die.</i>

811
00:37:33,179 --> 00:37:34,914
Bumbaclot!

812
00:37:36,282 --> 00:37:37,950
<i>You should</i>
<i>probably answer that.</i>

813
00:37:38,050 --> 00:37:41,686
I can literally see you
trying to steal my package.

814
00:37:41,786 --> 00:37:44,356
Oh, shit!

815
00:37:45,623 --> 00:37:47,193
Ah, that was easy.

816
00:37:49,727 --> 00:37:51,629
<i>Uh, someone</i>
<i>order steaks?</i>

817
00:37:51,729 --> 00:37:53,698
It's GoPuff.
Hmm.

818
00:37:55,568 --> 00:37:57,570
- Wait a sec.
- Careful.

819
00:37:57,669 --> 00:37:59,737
You wouldn't want
to let in a killer.

820
00:37:59,839 --> 00:38:04,376
You are about to identify
as dead.

821
00:38:07,279 --> 00:38:08,414
You...

822
00:38:08,514 --> 00:38:11,150
stab like--
a girl.

823
00:38:18,656 --> 00:38:20,960
Come on, girl,
hit that Ghostface Shuffle.

824
00:38:21,060 --> 00:38:23,562
Try the Ghostface Killah
Collection Bundle.

825
00:38:23,661 --> 00:38:26,031
This is Keke West
for OnlyFans Rapid News.

826
00:38:26,132 --> 00:38:27,799
"Rapid News".
You mean "Vapid News".

827
00:38:27,900 --> 00:38:29,969
You don't even
have a cameraman!

828
00:38:30,069 --> 00:38:31,636
My equipment!

829
00:38:32,704 --> 00:38:34,106
Excuse me.

830
00:38:35,740 --> 00:38:36,976
Oh, my. You're--

831
00:38:37,076 --> 00:38:38,377
Yes, yes.

832
00:38:38,477 --> 00:38:39,879
Three-time Emmy nominee

833
00:38:39,979 --> 00:38:42,581
for Outstanding Achievement
in Sensational Reporting.

834
00:38:42,680 --> 00:38:44,682
I was gonna say
the lady from <i>Friends,</i>

835
00:38:44,782 --> 00:38:47,019
but shorter
and with less Botox.

836
00:38:47,119 --> 00:38:48,454
Oh. Is that
what you were

837
00:38:48,554 --> 00:38:49,855
"gonna say"?
Yeah.

838
00:38:49,955 --> 00:38:51,557
You seriously don't know
who I am?

839
00:38:51,656 --> 00:38:54,093
- Babygirl, I am Gail--
- Gail swallows!

840
00:38:54,193 --> 00:38:55,194
Hey.

841
00:38:55,294 --> 00:38:56,428
Hailstorm. Gail--

842
00:38:56,529 --> 00:38:58,696
Get the hell out of my way!
Oh.

843
00:39:02,868 --> 00:39:06,405
Doofus.
Hey, Gail.

844
00:39:06,505 --> 00:39:08,507
Wow. You haven't aged a day.

845
00:39:08,607 --> 00:39:11,877
You've aged
like a million days.
That's this many. Five--

846
00:39:11,977 --> 00:39:13,678
Your fingers
smell like genitals.

847
00:39:13,778 --> 00:39:15,813
What are you doing
in that ridiculous uniform?

848
00:39:15,915 --> 00:39:19,552
Uh, I-I'm back on the case.
Yeah, I'm gonna bust Ghostface.

849
00:39:19,652 --> 00:39:20,853
Well, um,

850
00:39:20,953 --> 00:39:23,389
tell me,
Special Needs Officer Doofy...

851
00:39:23,489 --> 00:39:25,357
Um.

852
00:39:25,457 --> 00:39:26,824
Wow.
Are there any suspects

853
00:39:26,926 --> 00:39:29,662
in this tragic yet completely
predictable incident?

854
00:39:29,761 --> 00:39:31,130
I-I'm not allowed to say.

855
00:39:31,230 --> 00:39:33,632
No, no, okay, no.
Yes, you can. Yes, you can.

856
00:39:33,731 --> 00:39:35,434
Not-- Yeah--

857
00:39:35,534 --> 00:39:36,569
You can tell me.

858
00:39:36,669 --> 00:39:37,802
Um, ah, oh, my God.

859
00:39:37,903 --> 00:39:39,238
What the f--

860
00:39:39,338 --> 00:39:40,639
Hey!

861
00:39:40,738 --> 00:39:42,608
Remember when
you used to give blowjobs

862
00:39:42,707 --> 00:39:44,343
for sensitive information?

863
00:39:44,443 --> 00:39:48,147
I don't give blowjobs anymore,
okay? Not since MeToo.

864
00:39:48,247 --> 00:39:49,415
Okay. Sorry.

865
00:39:49,515 --> 00:39:51,984
I give handjobs now,
but the story better be good.

866
00:39:52,084 --> 00:39:55,820
Okay, I'll do a handjob.
Let's do it. Let's do it.

867
00:40:06,498 --> 00:40:07,799
What the--

868
00:40:15,341 --> 00:40:18,344
I'm gonna get you.
Uncle Ray-Ray's gonna get you!

869
00:40:18,444 --> 00:40:19,845
Ray?
You got my outfit,

870
00:40:19,945 --> 00:40:21,313
you little critter.

871
00:40:24,583 --> 00:40:26,852
Maybe weed shouldn't be legal.

872
00:40:29,421 --> 00:40:31,090
Fuck yeah, it should!

873
00:40:41,000 --> 00:40:42,935
Hello, Shorty.

874
00:40:43,035 --> 00:40:46,672
You do know
that smoking is bad for you.

875
00:40:46,771 --> 00:40:48,374
Actually,
weed ain't bad for you.

876
00:40:48,474 --> 00:40:51,477
You got Vitamin T, C and H,

877
00:40:51,577 --> 00:40:53,579
C, B and D.

878
00:40:53,679 --> 00:40:55,281
What's the matter, Shorty?

879
00:40:55,381 --> 00:40:58,083
You look a little antsy.

880
00:40:58,183 --> 00:41:01,754
Maybe because there's
a masked serial killer

881
00:41:01,854 --> 00:41:02,988
sipping tea in my den.

882
00:41:03,088 --> 00:41:04,923
Shorty, you're my nigga.

883
00:41:05,024 --> 00:41:07,626
I mean, friend. Please, sit.

884
00:41:07,726 --> 00:41:09,128
All right.

885
00:41:12,164 --> 00:41:13,999
Do you want to quit smoking?

886
00:41:14,099 --> 00:41:16,201
Well, to be honest,
I tried to quit.

887
00:41:16,302 --> 00:41:19,972
But my mother said,
"I ain't raisin' no quitters."

888
00:41:20,539 --> 00:41:21,707
So I quit quitting.

889
00:41:21,806 --> 00:41:23,976
We could try hypnosis.

890
00:41:24,076 --> 00:41:25,911
Bro, I don't care
how many pocket watches

891
00:41:26,011 --> 00:41:27,913
you try and wave
in front of my face,

892
00:41:28,013 --> 00:41:29,715
it ain't gonna work, son.

893
00:41:29,814 --> 00:41:32,551
- You can't magmetize me.
- Sleep.

894
00:41:35,521 --> 00:41:37,423
Shorty.

895
00:41:37,523 --> 00:41:39,425
Hmm?

896
00:41:39,525 --> 00:41:40,825
What's up?

897
00:41:40,926 --> 00:41:43,462
Tell me about your mother.

898
00:41:44,763 --> 00:41:45,998
Damn, nigga.

899
00:41:46,098 --> 00:41:47,833
Let's start
with something light, like:

900
00:41:47,933 --> 00:41:49,902
"Do you lick ass, yes or no?"

901
00:41:50,002 --> 00:41:51,904
The answer's yes.

902
00:41:52,004 --> 00:41:54,707
So what
happened to her, Shorty?

903
00:41:57,509 --> 00:41:59,345
She was coming home.

904
00:42:00,245 --> 00:42:02,481
Her car was parked
to the side of the road.

905
00:42:02,581 --> 00:42:04,483
Someone was in it.

906
00:42:05,184 --> 00:42:06,852
And something bad
was happening.

907
00:42:11,123 --> 00:42:12,825
Why didn't you call anyone?

908
00:42:12,925 --> 00:42:13,859
I couldn't.

909
00:42:13,959 --> 00:42:15,494
I had warrants.

910
00:42:15,594 --> 00:42:16,995
You were 11.

911
00:42:17,096 --> 00:42:19,164
I started young, nigga.

912
00:42:20,265 --> 00:42:21,166
Oh.

913
00:42:21,633 --> 00:42:23,535
What do you see?

914
00:42:25,104 --> 00:42:26,271
I...

915
00:42:28,173 --> 00:42:31,310
<i>I see a big explosion of water.</i>

916
00:42:32,911 --> 00:42:34,646
<i>It was like</i>
<i>a Civil Rights hose.</i>

917
00:42:38,951 --> 00:42:41,253
Police said
it was a murder/suicide.

918
00:42:42,388 --> 00:42:43,622
She killed that man.

919
00:42:43,722 --> 00:42:47,659
When they opened the car door,
his limp body just slid out.

920
00:42:50,896 --> 00:42:53,799
Like the green nigga
in <i>Shape of Water.</i>

921
00:42:53,899 --> 00:42:55,701
I just didn't want it
to be real.

922
00:42:55,801 --> 00:42:58,103
What don't you want to be real?

923
00:42:58,904 --> 00:43:00,906
That my mother was a squirter!

924
00:43:01,006 --> 00:43:03,242
Okay! She was a squirter.

925
00:43:03,342 --> 00:43:05,845
All the floors
in her bedroom was warped.

926
00:43:05,944 --> 00:43:09,047
- I can't move.
- You're paralyzed.

927
00:43:09,148 --> 00:43:10,949
Now...

928
00:43:11,049 --> 00:43:13,185
...sink into the chair.
Wait, no.

929
00:43:13,285 --> 00:43:14,586
- Wait.
- Sink!

930
00:43:20,426 --> 00:43:23,128
Nigga!

931
00:43:31,203 --> 00:43:35,941
I'm in a K-hole, son!

932
00:43:37,075 --> 00:43:40,979
No, you're in a K-pop hole.

933
00:43:54,026 --> 00:43:56,161
Oh, shit, son!

934
00:44:01,935 --> 00:44:03,302
Nigga, I'm numb.

935
00:44:06,840 --> 00:44:09,041
That's what they do
in the hood.

936
00:44:17,917 --> 00:44:19,551
Luke Skywalker!

937
00:44:46,946 --> 00:44:48,747
<i>That's some good shit, son.</i>

938
00:44:50,516 --> 00:44:51,951
That dream was wild.

939
00:44:52,050 --> 00:44:54,019
I must've been Elon Musk high.

940
00:45:08,534 --> 00:45:09,701
Tuesday?

941
00:45:10,369 --> 00:45:11,570
Tuesday?

942
00:45:14,706 --> 00:45:16,074
Bobby?

943
00:45:18,011 --> 00:45:20,112
Bobby, what the...?

944
00:45:21,079 --> 00:45:22,916
She's gonna die.

945
00:45:23,016 --> 00:45:24,550
Our daughter, Sara?

946
00:45:24,650 --> 00:45:26,184
You're probably right.

947
00:45:26,285 --> 00:45:28,620
She's tough, but let's see her
get stabbed in the gut.

948
00:45:28,720 --> 00:45:30,055
I'm gonna die.

949
00:45:30,155 --> 00:45:32,324
Bobby, you're already dead.

950
00:45:32,424 --> 00:45:34,126
This hallucination
is a manifestation

951
00:45:34,226 --> 00:45:36,295
of my own guilt
for being an awful mom.

952
00:45:36,395 --> 00:45:39,197
Or it could be the shrooms
I just popped.

953
00:45:40,065 --> 00:45:41,333
You're gonna die.

954
00:45:41,433 --> 00:45:44,736
Bitch, you ain't killing me.

955
00:45:50,208 --> 00:45:51,577
You're gonna die.

956
00:45:52,144 --> 00:45:54,646
Stop smiling!

957
00:45:54,746 --> 00:45:57,050
I can't. Botox.

958
00:45:57,149 --> 00:45:58,450
Hey!
Oh.

959
00:45:58,550 --> 00:46:01,720
This is the mental ward.
Everyone smiles in here.

960
00:46:01,820 --> 00:46:02,855
What?

961
00:46:03,455 --> 00:46:05,357
How-- Um--

962
00:46:05,457 --> 00:46:07,693
Could you point me
in the direction of the ICU?

963
00:46:07,793 --> 00:46:09,227
Is it that way or that way?

964
00:46:09,328 --> 00:46:10,930
Uh, visiting hours are over.

965
00:46:11,030 --> 00:46:13,432
Oh, yes, of course.

966
00:46:14,333 --> 00:46:15,734
<i>The network wants me to clarify</i>

967
00:46:15,835 --> 00:46:18,303
<i>that Black Friday</i>
<i>has nothing to do with race.</i>

968
00:46:18,403 --> 00:46:20,405
<i>Well, just tell that</i>
<i>to my Black friend Benita</i>

969
00:46:20,505 --> 00:46:21,941
<i>who's probably clocking someone</i>

970
00:46:22,041 --> 00:46:23,977
<i>over the head</i>
<i>at Target as we speak!</i>

971
00:46:24,077 --> 00:46:25,243
<i>Right, Benita?</i>

972
00:46:40,659 --> 00:46:42,127
Shamone!

973
00:46:42,227 --> 00:46:43,863
Man, you ain't Michael.

974
00:46:43,963 --> 00:46:45,865
Michael got that Jheri curl.

975
00:46:45,965 --> 00:46:47,566
What is that, son?
Is that shellac?

976
00:46:47,666 --> 00:46:50,903
See, people think it's shellac,
but it's actually Sharpie.

977
00:46:51,004 --> 00:46:52,371
Boy, your hair
looks like fondue.

978
00:46:52,471 --> 00:46:54,439
I just wanna dip some fruit
and marshmallows in it.

979
00:46:54,539 --> 00:46:56,575
Go on and dip.
Indoo-dy.

980
00:46:56,675 --> 00:46:58,978
Michael's got a monkey.
I got a llama.

981
00:46:59,078 --> 00:47:00,847
And he can beatbox.

982
00:47:03,782 --> 00:47:05,217
That's Suds.

983
00:47:05,317 --> 00:47:08,921
Yeah, he stink.
But when he spit, it's bars.

984
00:47:10,822 --> 00:47:11,723
Come on, now.

985
00:47:11,823 --> 00:47:13,191
Fuck Michael!

986
00:47:13,291 --> 00:47:15,560
You can't dance, boy.
I've been practicing.

987
00:47:15,661 --> 00:47:17,262
Oh! Whoa!

988
00:47:17,362 --> 00:47:18,797
Jeez.

989
00:47:20,099 --> 00:47:21,299
Yeah!

990
00:47:21,400 --> 00:47:23,102
Bong! Ow!

991
00:47:23,201 --> 00:47:26,005
I can moonwalk.
Ooh, ooh.

992
00:47:26,105 --> 00:47:27,172
Ooh.

993
00:47:27,272 --> 00:47:29,108
Where is this nigga goin'?

994
00:47:31,144 --> 00:47:31,978
Ow!

995
00:47:32,078 --> 00:47:34,080
Whoo!

996
00:47:34,179 --> 00:47:35,948
<i>"Jermaine".</i>

997
00:47:37,616 --> 00:47:41,486
<i>Coming Juneteenth,</i>
<i>only on Tubi.</i>

998
00:47:43,522 --> 00:47:45,791
I'ma bootleg that shit.

999
00:47:48,061 --> 00:47:49,394
Hello?

1000
00:47:50,595 --> 00:47:51,563
Fuck this.

1001
00:47:56,802 --> 00:47:58,603
I'm gonna miss you all.

1002
00:48:04,010 --> 00:48:05,444
Oh, hell no!

1003
00:48:05,544 --> 00:48:07,880
Think Black, don't die.
Think Black, don't die.

1004
00:48:17,990 --> 00:48:19,058
Oh!

1005
00:48:19,158 --> 00:48:21,293
Goddamn it!
Jack?

1006
00:48:21,393 --> 00:48:23,196
Did Sara tell you to come?
Um...

1007
00:48:23,295 --> 00:48:26,065
Yeah! That's why I'm here.

1008
00:48:26,165 --> 00:48:29,301
Not to murder you
or anything like that.

1009
00:48:29,401 --> 00:48:30,903
Then why
are you wearing gloves?

1010
00:48:31,838 --> 00:48:33,605
Would you believe I...

1011
00:48:33,705 --> 00:48:37,076
am thinking about dressing up
as O.J. Simpson for Halloween?

1012
00:48:37,176 --> 00:48:38,777
But those fit.

1013
00:48:39,611 --> 00:48:40,712
Look out!

1014
00:48:40,812 --> 00:48:42,982
Not cool, bro,
you almost hit a vein.

1015
00:48:43,082 --> 00:48:44,783
I-I mean--
Help!

1016
00:48:48,487 --> 00:48:49,788
Oh, yes!

1017
00:48:53,759 --> 00:48:54,961
Oh...

1018
00:48:58,831 --> 00:49:03,368
Whew.
I'm gonna gut you like a pig!

1019
00:49:07,572 --> 00:49:09,508
I'm gonna...

1020
00:49:09,608 --> 00:49:11,610
I'm gonna...

1021
00:49:11,710 --> 00:49:13,411
What a stupid line.

1022
00:49:15,447 --> 00:49:17,083
That is so true!

1023
00:49:17,183 --> 00:49:20,019
What are you gonna do?
Turn me into bacon?

1024
00:49:24,456 --> 00:49:25,757
I got to get better writers.

1025
00:49:25,858 --> 00:49:28,460
I'm laughing so hard,
my ribs hurt.

1026
00:49:28,560 --> 00:49:31,964
Wait until
I stick my knife in them!

1027
00:49:38,570 --> 00:49:40,973
I'm crying over here.

1028
00:49:41,073 --> 00:49:42,440
I got to go

1029
00:49:42,541 --> 00:49:44,509
- before you really kill me.
- Here I come.

1030
00:49:44,609 --> 00:49:47,180
Oh, God,
I might die laughing first!

1031
00:49:48,848 --> 00:49:52,384
Oh. Oh, shit.
He's really gonna kill me.

1032
00:50:13,605 --> 00:50:15,908
I want what they're on.

1033
00:50:17,944 --> 00:50:20,812
I'm gonna turn you
into bacon, little piggy.

1034
00:50:27,153 --> 00:50:28,921
No, no.

1035
00:50:29,021 --> 00:50:30,755
No.

1036
00:50:32,724 --> 00:50:34,359
I'm sorry. Excuse me.
Excuse me.

1037
00:50:34,459 --> 00:50:35,560
I'm so sorry.
Out of our way!

1038
00:50:35,660 --> 00:50:38,064
Step aside.
Official police business.

1039
00:50:38,164 --> 00:50:39,165
Doofy!

1040
00:50:39,265 --> 00:50:41,868
I like doing that.

1041
00:50:41,968 --> 00:50:42,869
Ooh!

1042
00:50:43,635 --> 00:50:45,737
Smile, you son of a bitch.

1043
00:50:45,838 --> 00:50:49,108
What the f...?
My psycho mother said

1044
00:50:49,208 --> 00:50:51,376
always keep a strap.

1045
00:50:52,879 --> 00:50:54,080
Go! Go!
Okay.

1046
00:50:54,180 --> 00:50:55,513
I'm gonna go get
your love interest.

1047
00:50:55,614 --> 00:50:57,149
I'll get your love interest.

1048
00:50:57,250 --> 00:51:00,385
Ow, the pain, the agony.

1049
00:51:00,485 --> 00:51:02,587
Sara, if I don't make it...

1050
00:51:02,687 --> 00:51:05,191
Seriously, Tues,
stop trying to win an Oscar.

1051
00:51:05,291 --> 00:51:07,525
It's a horror movie,
it'll never happen.

1052
00:51:07,626 --> 00:51:09,862
Just ask Demi Moore.

1053
00:51:09,962 --> 00:51:12,597
No! No!

1054
00:51:12,697 --> 00:51:14,267
I got him. I got Jack.

1055
00:51:16,568 --> 00:51:18,570
Doofy! What the fuck?

1056
00:51:18,670 --> 00:51:20,805
The fuck?
I can't help myself.

1057
00:51:23,175 --> 00:51:25,677
It's just me and you now,
Ghosty.

1058
00:51:25,777 --> 00:51:26,745
Hm.

1059
00:51:27,812 --> 00:51:29,748
You got to shoot them
in the head.

1060
00:51:29,849 --> 00:51:31,716
Shoot them in the head.

1061
00:51:33,785 --> 00:51:36,554
Oof. Ow.

1062
00:51:39,491 --> 00:51:41,593
Die!

1063
00:51:41,693 --> 00:51:43,695
Die, you little dumb dunce.

1064
00:51:43,795 --> 00:51:44,964
Smell...

1065
00:51:45,064 --> 00:51:46,132
my...

1066
00:51:46,933 --> 00:51:48,034
finger.

1067
00:51:48,700 --> 00:51:49,734
Oh, God!

1068
00:51:49,835 --> 00:51:52,671
What the fuck was that? Ugh.

1069
00:51:52,771 --> 00:51:54,340
My ass.

1070
00:51:54,439 --> 00:51:56,541
Fuck your ass! Pause.

1071
00:51:58,844 --> 00:52:00,512
Oh, God,
that's-- that's my ass.

1072
00:52:00,612 --> 00:52:03,249
- Oh, God.
- Any last words?

1073
00:52:03,349 --> 00:52:05,151
I go poopy.

1074
00:52:09,754 --> 00:52:12,425
Oh, hell no.
I ain't cleaning up that shit!

1075
00:52:12,524 --> 00:52:14,093
I'm on break.

1076
00:52:14,193 --> 00:52:17,696
Come on, I do the
killing, not the cleaning. Ugh.

1077
00:52:17,796 --> 00:52:19,798
What you say?
Never mind.

1078
00:52:19,899 --> 00:52:21,499
Yo, what's up, chat?

1079
00:52:21,599 --> 00:52:22,969
This your boy Shorty.

1080
00:52:23,069 --> 00:52:24,703
That's right,
it's another Halloween-a-thon.

1081
00:52:24,803 --> 00:52:27,772
And it's another day
of me getting paid mad money

1082
00:52:27,873 --> 00:52:30,276
for doing absolutely nothing

1083
00:52:30,376 --> 00:52:31,877
while you stupid motherfuckers
watch.

1084
00:52:31,978 --> 00:52:34,612
And they call me dumb!

1085
00:52:34,713 --> 00:52:37,984
I want to give a smooth
shout-out to my sponsor:

1086
00:52:38,084 --> 00:52:40,319
Angry Orchard Hard Cider.

1087
00:52:41,619 --> 00:52:44,190
They got mad apples, son.

1088
00:52:47,193 --> 00:52:50,296
We created a slogan!
I'm a marketing genius!

1089
00:52:50,396 --> 00:52:52,331
Aight. It wouldn't be
a Halloween-a-thon

1090
00:52:52,431 --> 00:52:53,598
without a dope guest.

1091
00:52:53,698 --> 00:52:55,001
He's a legend
in the streaming game.

1092
00:52:55,101 --> 00:52:57,837
Give it up for Kai Cenat!

1093
00:52:57,937 --> 00:53:00,373
We gonna break the Internet!

1094
00:53:00,473 --> 00:53:02,441
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

1095
00:53:02,540 --> 00:53:04,276
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

1096
00:53:06,511 --> 00:53:07,579
Let's get serious.

1097
00:53:07,679 --> 00:53:09,614
What brings you to the chat?

1098
00:53:09,714 --> 00:53:11,417
You promised
I was gonna be in the movie.

1099
00:53:11,516 --> 00:53:14,153
I've been calling you.
You ghosted me.

1100
00:53:14,253 --> 00:53:17,156
Bro, I thought that was one
of my crazy-ass baby mamas.

1101
00:53:17,256 --> 00:53:18,590
That's-- That's my bad.

1102
00:53:18,690 --> 00:53:20,792
And speaking of ghosted--

1103
00:53:20,893 --> 00:53:22,928
Somebody wants to talk to you.

1104
00:53:23,029 --> 00:53:24,397
Hello?

1105
00:53:24,497 --> 00:53:26,332
<i>What's your favorite</i>
<i>scary movie?</i>

1106
00:53:28,334 --> 00:53:30,136
Nah!
Oh!

1107
00:53:30,236 --> 00:53:32,704
Oh, whoa, whoa!
Ah!

1108
00:53:39,345 --> 00:53:41,147
We breaking the Internet, son!

1109
00:53:41,247 --> 00:53:42,348
What's up, my guy?

1110
00:53:42,448 --> 00:53:43,648
You got some Angry Orchard

1111
00:53:43,748 --> 00:53:44,850
Hard Cider in the house?
You damn right.

1112
00:53:44,950 --> 00:53:46,886
They got mad apples.

1113
00:53:46,986 --> 00:53:48,320
Oh!

1114
00:53:48,421 --> 00:53:49,554
Wassup?

1115
00:53:49,654 --> 00:53:51,290
Wassup?

1116
00:53:54,393 --> 00:53:55,861
We about to do
my favorite thing:

1117
00:53:55,961 --> 00:53:59,697
Spin the... wheel!

1118
00:53:59,798 --> 00:54:01,800
Extreme Noodle Game!

1119
00:54:01,901 --> 00:54:03,568
We gonna go back there
with these noodles

1120
00:54:03,668 --> 00:54:04,636
and we gonna smack

1121
00:54:04,736 --> 00:54:05,770
the fuck out you!

1122
00:54:05,871 --> 00:54:07,339
Then you gotta guess
who did it.

1123
00:54:07,440 --> 00:54:08,140
That doesn't even make sense.

1124
00:54:09,308 --> 00:54:10,109
This is a dumb game.

1125
00:54:11,810 --> 00:54:13,112
Oh!

1126
00:54:13,212 --> 00:54:14,146
Uh...

1127
00:54:14,779 --> 00:54:15,680
Kai. Kai.
Man, what?

1128
00:54:15,780 --> 00:54:16,581
Yeah.

1129
00:54:22,754 --> 00:54:25,157
Wait-- No, no, no--

1130
00:54:27,493 --> 00:54:31,564
You just killed Kai Cenat.
On the chat.

1131
00:54:32,865 --> 00:54:34,467
We making history, son!

1132
00:54:35,633 --> 00:54:36,969
Money, money, money!

1133
00:54:56,422 --> 00:54:57,990
Oh, thank God.

1134
00:55:02,094 --> 00:55:04,363
It's about time
you guys got here!

1135
00:55:04,463 --> 00:55:06,332
Now you're gonna get it.

1136
00:55:06,899 --> 00:55:08,234
Oof!

1137
00:55:09,435 --> 00:55:10,870
Hold still!

1138
00:55:10,970 --> 00:55:12,704
So that's our suspect.

1139
00:55:12,804 --> 00:55:15,241
Goes by the name "Shorthand".
Hmm.

1140
00:55:15,341 --> 00:55:19,711
Was the handyman at a house
reputed to be haunted in 2001.

1141
00:55:20,613 --> 00:55:22,148
Is there anything
you're not telling me?

1142
00:55:22,248 --> 00:55:24,016
That your wife hates you,

1143
00:55:24,116 --> 00:55:25,817
you believe the Earth is flat

1144
00:55:25,918 --> 00:55:27,920
and you voted for Trump
three times.

1145
00:55:28,020 --> 00:55:30,422
What, I was supposed
to vote for the woman?

1146
00:55:30,523 --> 00:55:31,789
Huh?

1147
00:55:31,891 --> 00:55:35,394
I believe Shorthand
is the notorious Ghostface.

1148
00:55:36,862 --> 00:55:38,931
What that mouth do?

1149
00:55:39,031 --> 00:55:40,633
Stop resisting!

1150
00:55:40,732 --> 00:55:42,835
He did look pretty sketchy.

1151
00:55:46,338 --> 00:55:48,541
They got the wrong guy.

1152
00:55:48,641 --> 00:55:50,476
And you know that
because you're psychic?

1153
00:55:50,576 --> 00:55:52,744
No, says so
on the arrest warrant.

1154
00:55:54,880 --> 00:55:56,081
I don't know.

1155
00:55:56,182 --> 00:55:58,584
That guy's Black.
Nah, he's kinda...

1156
00:55:58,683 --> 00:55:59,919
not that Black.

1157
00:56:00,019 --> 00:56:01,686
Like gravy brown.

1158
00:56:01,786 --> 00:56:03,389
Ugh!

1159
00:56:03,489 --> 00:56:04,924
Get him!

1160
00:56:05,024 --> 00:56:06,691
Hit him with your strong hand!

1161
00:56:06,791 --> 00:56:08,160
Boom!

1162
00:56:08,260 --> 00:56:11,263
Arrest him anyways.
Probably did something, right?

1163
00:56:11,964 --> 00:56:13,866
Turn off your body cams!

1164
00:56:26,178 --> 00:56:27,379
Miss you.

1165
00:56:29,814 --> 00:56:31,584
Poppa's here.

1166
00:56:31,684 --> 00:56:33,285
Tupac's here.

1167
00:56:33,385 --> 00:56:35,854
And Tekashi69 is here.

1168
00:56:36,821 --> 00:56:39,291
Wait. Tekashi69 ain't dead.

1169
00:56:39,391 --> 00:56:42,428
No, but his career is.

1170
00:56:43,195 --> 00:56:44,930
True that.

1171
00:56:45,030 --> 00:56:48,167
Can't let these
old-school rappers go, huh?

1172
00:56:49,101 --> 00:56:51,736
Kids today put "lil"
in front of their name

1173
00:56:51,837 --> 00:56:53,672
and think they got
a lil talent.

1174
00:56:53,771 --> 00:56:55,773
You should give
Lil Nas X a shot.

1175
00:56:55,874 --> 00:56:57,742
Dude really speaks to me.

1176
00:56:57,843 --> 00:56:59,345
That nigga's hard.

1177
00:56:59,445 --> 00:57:00,745
What you back here for, Ray?

1178
00:57:00,846 --> 00:57:02,514
I thought you was done
with Woodsville.

1179
00:57:02,615 --> 00:57:04,049
I thought you were
a northern man.

1180
00:57:04,149 --> 00:57:05,551
I'm through
with San Francisco.

1181
00:57:05,651 --> 00:57:08,487
Is San Francisco
through with you?

1182
00:57:08,587 --> 00:57:09,655
What are you asking me?

1183
00:57:09,754 --> 00:57:11,789
Do you have pride, Ray?

1184
00:57:11,890 --> 00:57:14,493
I think we should all
take pride in who we are.

1185
00:57:14,593 --> 00:57:17,830
Do you like
to taste the rainbow?

1186
00:57:17,930 --> 00:57:20,099
Skittles are
my favorite candy.

1187
00:57:22,635 --> 00:57:24,136
Ray, I prayed for you.

1188
00:57:24,236 --> 00:57:26,572
Then how come
none of those prayers
worked for our baby?

1189
00:57:26,672 --> 00:57:29,275
Mr. Pickels was 18
when he died, Ray.

1190
00:57:30,609 --> 00:57:32,745
That's old for a cat.

1191
00:57:32,845 --> 00:57:34,079
He was packing.

1192
00:57:34,179 --> 00:57:35,748
Now, what you want
with me, Ray?

1193
00:57:35,848 --> 00:57:40,419
I'm back, Brenda,
'cause I love you.

1194
00:57:40,519 --> 00:57:42,087
Ray!

1195
00:57:54,833 --> 00:57:56,535
He's so sneaky, Ray.

1196
00:57:56,635 --> 00:57:59,271
I'm gonna get it.

1197
00:57:59,371 --> 00:58:02,875
I got you! I got you!
You got me, yeah!

1198
00:58:06,145 --> 00:58:08,147
Oh, yes.
Put this on.

1199
00:58:08,247 --> 00:58:11,016
You sure, Ray?
Yeah, girl. Go on.

1200
00:58:11,850 --> 00:58:14,019
You wild, Ray.
You make me blush.

1201
00:58:14,119 --> 00:58:15,820
So sexy.

1202
00:58:15,921 --> 00:58:18,724
I wish you had a beard.
Hmm?

1203
00:58:18,823 --> 00:58:22,494
Here. Take this.
Oh.

1204
00:58:22,594 --> 00:58:23,562
What?

1205
00:58:23,662 --> 00:58:25,831
Turn around.
Oh! Sure.

1206
00:58:25,931 --> 00:58:27,466
Bend over.
Uh-huh.

1207
00:58:27,566 --> 00:58:31,603
Now drop it.
Okay. Okay.

1208
00:58:31,704 --> 00:58:33,072
I've dropped it, Ray.

1209
00:58:33,172 --> 00:58:34,606
Yeah, that's what
I'm talking about.

1210
00:58:34,707 --> 00:58:37,343
Whose cell block
is this? Huh, Brenda?
Ray! Ray!

1211
00:58:37,443 --> 00:58:40,079
You didn't want to share
your tater tots,
nigga, at lunch?

1212
00:58:40,179 --> 00:58:42,281
Now you sharing
this bootyhole, nigga.
Yeah!

1213
00:58:42,381 --> 00:58:46,051
You not in prison no more,
Ray. You free now, Ray.

1214
00:58:46,151 --> 00:58:47,419
Oh, yeah. That's right.
Yeah.

1215
00:58:47,519 --> 00:58:48,654
Okay. Now you get me.

1216
00:58:48,754 --> 00:58:50,189
My turn.
Let me drop the soap.

1217
00:58:50,289 --> 00:58:52,591
On three. One, two, three.
Wait.

1218
00:58:52,691 --> 00:58:53,726
Oops, I dropped it.

1219
00:58:53,826 --> 00:58:55,661
Yeah! Yeah! Nigga, yeah!
Okay.

1220
00:58:55,761 --> 00:58:57,296
Like this?
Yeah, nigga. Yeah, Brenda.

1221
00:58:57,396 --> 00:58:58,764
You still freaky, Ray.

1222
00:58:58,864 --> 00:59:01,500
Lower your voice.
Make it deeper.
You still freaky, Ray.

1223
00:59:01,600 --> 00:59:02,601
Yeah!

1224
00:59:02,701 --> 00:59:05,304
Miss Hailstorm,
welcome back.

1225
00:59:05,404 --> 00:59:08,307
Doc, I'm begging you.
You got to help me
look younger.

1226
00:59:08,407 --> 00:59:10,042
These little bitches
are killing me out there.

1227
00:59:10,142 --> 00:59:11,210
They're wearing nothing but a--

1228
00:59:11,310 --> 00:59:13,345
a sausage casing
and a ring light.

1229
00:59:13,445 --> 00:59:17,950
Trust me with this withered,
decrepit, age-ravaged body,

1230
00:59:18,050 --> 00:59:20,085
and I will make you whole.

1231
00:59:20,185 --> 00:59:21,653
One Middle-Aged
White Lady Special

1232
00:59:21,754 --> 00:59:23,188
coming right up.
Thanks.

1233
00:59:23,288 --> 00:59:24,623
I'm gonna play a quick video

1234
00:59:24,723 --> 00:59:25,924
on the ins and outs
of the procedure,

1235
00:59:26,024 --> 00:59:28,427
and then we'll get started.

1236
00:59:31,764 --> 00:59:34,868
<i>Do you wish</i>
<i>you weren't so old and saggy?</i>

1237
00:59:34,967 --> 00:59:37,603
<i>Do you wish you were younger?</i>
<i>Sexier?</i>

1238
00:59:37,703 --> 00:59:39,138
<i>Fuckable again?</i>

1239
00:59:39,238 --> 00:59:42,775
<i>One single injection</i>
<i>unlocks your DNA,</i>

1240
00:59:42,876 --> 00:59:45,644
<i>creating a new, better you.</i>

1241
00:59:46,412 --> 00:59:48,614
<i>This is The Stuff.</i>

1242
00:59:50,082 --> 00:59:52,217
Doc, this isn't that
Gwyneth Paltrow crap

1243
00:59:52,317 --> 00:59:54,486
that makes you
smell like her vag, is it?

1244
00:59:58,557 --> 00:59:59,458
I like it.

1245
01:00:15,842 --> 01:00:18,010
Wow, that's a lot of Stuff.

1246
01:00:19,511 --> 01:00:20,712
Oh, a mask on a mask.

1247
01:00:21,280 --> 01:00:23,148
Safety first, right, Doc?

1248
01:00:24,983 --> 01:00:27,152
Oh, no!

1249
01:00:28,187 --> 01:00:30,022
I'm having second thoughts!

1250
01:00:30,122 --> 01:00:32,524
I'm gonna love
and accept myself as I am.

1251
01:01:35,922 --> 01:01:37,823
Oops. Wrong movie.

1252
01:01:40,092 --> 01:01:42,594
- You were thinking it.
- But you said it.

1253
01:01:43,729 --> 01:01:45,464
<i>White Chicks 2,</i> my ass.

1254
01:01:54,007 --> 01:01:55,774
Hey, Sara.

1255
01:01:56,843 --> 01:01:58,477
Tuesday, I--

1256
01:01:58,577 --> 01:02:00,546
I tried to visit you.

1257
01:02:00,646 --> 01:02:02,882
I am sorry for everything.

1258
01:02:02,982 --> 01:02:04,851
Especially your name.

1259
01:02:04,951 --> 01:02:07,419
It was Taco Tuesday.
I was super drunk.

1260
01:02:07,519 --> 01:02:11,223
But I promise you,
I will kill this motherfucker!

1261
01:02:11,323 --> 01:02:12,824
- It's fine, really, we're cool.
- I'm gonna--

1262
01:02:12,926 --> 01:02:14,126
I'll pull the car around.
We're good.

1263
01:02:14,226 --> 01:02:15,895
I'm going to take you
to the car!

1264
01:02:15,995 --> 01:02:18,297
I got stabbed.
I'm not deaf, you dumbass!

1265
01:02:18,397 --> 01:02:21,300
I'm taking Tues away
from all of this!

1266
01:02:22,035 --> 01:02:23,402
Oh...
Come on, Cindy.

1267
01:02:24,069 --> 01:02:26,338
I tried to run, too, but...

1268
01:02:26,438 --> 01:02:28,574
it follows!

1269
01:02:28,674 --> 01:02:31,410
Now you're probably expecting
a flashback to that movie,

1270
01:02:31,510 --> 01:02:34,013
but it's too obscure.
Yeah, and the plot is weird.

1271
01:02:34,112 --> 01:02:36,315
You have sex with someone,
give them a STD

1272
01:02:36,415 --> 01:02:37,783
and then it haunts them
in the form

1273
01:02:37,884 --> 01:02:38,784
of their naked grandma.

1274
01:02:38,885 --> 01:02:40,987
It's like a STD biopic.

1275
01:02:41,086 --> 01:02:42,187
Ugh, the killer is taunting me.

1276
01:02:42,287 --> 01:02:43,856
Why doesn't he just kill us?

1277
01:02:43,957 --> 01:02:45,290
Uh, speak for yourself.

1278
01:02:45,390 --> 01:02:47,159
Like, what are you waiting for?

1279
01:02:47,259 --> 01:02:50,629
Oh, no, no, no, sweetie,
sweetie. It's like this.

1280
01:02:51,831 --> 01:02:55,068
What are you waiting for, huh?

1281
01:02:55,167 --> 01:02:57,971
What are you waiting for?

1282
01:02:58,071 --> 01:03:00,706
What are you waiting for?

1283
01:03:00,806 --> 01:03:02,307
What are you waiting for?

1284
01:03:02,407 --> 01:03:04,142
God, I wish
you weren't my mother!

1285
01:03:04,242 --> 01:03:06,946
What are you waiting for?

1286
01:03:08,380 --> 01:03:09,615
<i>Candyman.</i>

1287
01:03:10,515 --> 01:03:11,717
Candyman.

1288
01:03:12,551 --> 01:03:14,119
Candyman.

1289
01:03:14,219 --> 01:03:17,489
- You sure about this?
- Yeah, keep saying it.

1290
01:03:18,557 --> 01:03:19,725
Candyman.

1291
01:03:20,860 --> 01:03:22,694
Candyman!

1292
01:03:39,678 --> 01:03:41,948
So what's up?
You got that candy, man?

1293
01:03:42,048 --> 01:03:45,217
- I got weed gummies.
- Yeah.

1294
01:03:45,317 --> 01:03:46,585
K-nuts.
- Yeah.

1295
01:03:46,685 --> 01:03:48,320
- Shroom chocolates.
- Shit, son!

1296
01:03:48,420 --> 01:03:50,389
And what take you so long
to show up?

1297
01:03:50,489 --> 01:03:53,625
Come on, Clarence.
I called you five times.

1298
01:03:53,725 --> 01:03:55,094
Nigga, show up in three.

1299
01:03:55,193 --> 01:03:57,063
You ain't even call me
on the phone.

1300
01:03:57,162 --> 01:03:58,497
Luckily I was walking by

1301
01:03:58,597 --> 01:04:00,632
and heard y'all
through the hole in this wall.

1302
01:04:00,732 --> 01:04:03,335
And fix that shit.
You shut your ass up.

1303
01:04:03,435 --> 01:04:06,139
You need to go
to a proctologist
and get your skin looked at.

1304
01:04:06,238 --> 01:04:09,408
Having acne over
the age of 40 is wild work.

1305
01:04:09,508 --> 01:04:11,543
I look better than this nigga.
Maybe on this side.

1306
01:04:11,643 --> 01:04:14,246
Hey, ain't no time for beefing.
We about to be high as fuck.

1307
01:04:14,346 --> 01:04:16,481
We gonna party, son!

1308
01:04:22,487 --> 01:04:25,190
- That's right. Drink up!
- Hey!

1309
01:04:25,290 --> 01:04:28,094
Hey! I love it. Look at that.

1310
01:04:28,193 --> 01:04:29,661
You're looking good.

1311
01:04:29,761 --> 01:04:31,064
You seen your sister?

1312
01:04:35,500 --> 01:04:37,736
I-I can't find her since
she went to that protest.

1313
01:04:38,236 --> 01:04:40,840
No.

1314
01:04:40,940 --> 01:04:44,543
Ray, let me guess.
You are Woody from <i>Toy Story!</i>

1315
01:04:44,643 --> 01:04:46,678
Nah, Brenda, that's gay.
Oh.

1316
01:04:46,778 --> 01:04:49,681
Jake Gyllenhaal
from <i>Brokeback Mountain.</i>

1317
01:04:49,781 --> 01:04:53,251
"I wish I knew how to quit you,
but I can't."

1318
01:04:53,920 --> 01:04:56,089
You love that movie!

1319
01:04:56,189 --> 01:04:57,556
Hey, Brenda!
Huh?

1320
01:04:57,656 --> 01:04:59,624
Have you seen
my big old bag of candy?

1321
01:04:59,725 --> 01:05:02,895
It had chocolates,
gummies, lollipops.

1322
01:05:03,428 --> 01:05:04,429
I-It's gone missing.

1323
01:05:04,529 --> 01:05:05,731
No, no, no, it's not missing.

1324
01:05:05,832 --> 01:05:07,900
I passed it out
to the trick-or-treaters.

1325
01:05:08,000 --> 01:05:11,236
Brenda, that's my stash!

1326
01:05:22,148 --> 01:05:25,918
I'm so fucking high!

1327
01:05:28,921 --> 01:05:29,989
Whoo-hoo!

1328
01:05:30,089 --> 01:05:32,892
I can't feel my face!

1329
01:05:35,027 --> 01:05:38,965
I'm on that Naruto shit!

1330
01:05:39,731 --> 01:05:43,502
Six-seven! Six-seven!

1331
01:06:08,895 --> 01:06:10,629
Fuck.

1332
01:06:18,303 --> 01:06:19,638
Why is she looking at me?

1333
01:06:22,541 --> 01:06:24,643
A little disturbing.

1334
01:06:24,743 --> 01:06:25,945
I'm here for it.

1335
01:06:29,882 --> 01:06:31,117
Oh. Okay.

1336
01:06:41,827 --> 01:06:43,029
Hey!

1337
01:06:43,129 --> 01:06:46,899
Do you know how many baby seals
die from microplastics?

1338
01:06:54,606 --> 01:06:55,340
Shit.

1339
01:06:55,440 --> 01:06:57,176
It's Ghostface!

1340
01:07:01,713 --> 01:07:03,381
Oh, my God! He stabbed her!

1341
01:07:03,481 --> 01:07:06,718
Not "her".
My pronouns are "they/them".

1342
01:07:06,818 --> 01:07:08,120
He stabbed "them"!

1343
01:07:08,221 --> 01:07:11,123
I'm over 40. How am I supposed
to keep up with all of this?

1344
01:07:11,224 --> 01:07:12,291
She's not wrong.

1345
01:07:12,390 --> 01:07:13,960
It's Karens like you

1346
01:07:14,060 --> 01:07:17,529
that keep the patriarchy going,
with their knees on our necks!

1347
01:07:17,629 --> 01:07:20,266
Now you're playing
the race card?

1348
01:07:20,365 --> 01:07:23,102
I've had enough of her shit.
"Their" shit, bitch!

1349
01:07:26,172 --> 01:07:27,173
And to be clear,

1350
01:07:27,273 --> 01:07:29,774
my real name is Karen!

1351
01:07:29,876 --> 01:07:31,978
Oh, shit. This is too good.

1352
01:07:32,078 --> 01:07:33,511
Ignore the insults.

1353
01:07:33,612 --> 01:07:35,915
"They" don't realize
we're here to help "them".

1354
01:07:36,015 --> 01:07:37,482
Toxic masculinity

1355
01:07:37,582 --> 01:07:40,353
and mansplaining
doesn't help anybody!

1356
01:07:40,452 --> 01:07:42,255
How is my masculinity toxic?

1357
01:07:42,355 --> 01:07:44,123
I love women and sports.

1358
01:07:44,223 --> 01:07:46,959
Just not together.
Come here, bitch.

1359
01:07:47,059 --> 01:07:48,593
My turn!

1360
01:07:48,693 --> 01:07:50,229
- Me next!
- They ain't ready for

1361
01:07:50,329 --> 01:07:51,330
this!

1362
01:07:51,429 --> 01:07:52,430
Let me at them!
Me next!

1363
01:07:52,530 --> 01:07:53,431
Fuck your pronouns.
Oh, shit.

1364
01:07:53,531 --> 01:07:55,034
Suck knife.

1365
01:07:58,503 --> 01:08:00,239
I blame the manosphere.

1366
01:08:04,844 --> 01:08:06,979
Uncle Shorty.
What's up, nephew?

1367
01:08:07,079 --> 01:08:09,015
Can I ask you something?

1368
01:08:09,115 --> 01:08:10,582
Yeah, shoot.

1369
01:08:11,384 --> 01:08:13,319
It's about, y-you know,

1370
01:08:13,418 --> 01:08:14,753
how to go down on a girl.

1371
01:08:14,854 --> 01:08:17,023
You talking about eating pussy?

1372
01:08:17,123 --> 01:08:19,358
That's so cringe, but yeah.

1373
01:08:19,457 --> 01:08:22,594
Well, maybe if you stop talking
like a 14-year-old white girl,

1374
01:08:22,694 --> 01:08:24,330
you could learn something.

1375
01:08:24,429 --> 01:08:25,630
All right, so listen up.

1376
01:08:25,730 --> 01:08:27,066
First thing you got to do,
you got to--

1377
01:08:27,166 --> 01:08:28,868
You got to spread them legs.
You got to open it up.

1378
01:08:28,968 --> 01:08:30,669
Then you want
to use your fingers.

1379
01:08:30,769 --> 01:08:33,839
Sometimes you can use two.
Two fingers, like that there.

1380
01:08:33,940 --> 01:08:34,941
Yeah?

1381
01:08:35,041 --> 01:08:37,043
Now, once you get it
all in there, now...

1382
01:08:37,709 --> 01:08:39,145
you got to use your tongue.

1383
01:08:39,245 --> 01:08:40,478
You can't be afraid of it.

1384
01:08:43,715 --> 01:08:45,384
Yeah, lean into it.

1385
01:08:45,517 --> 01:08:47,019
Nah, nah, nah,
you doing it too fast.

1386
01:08:48,387 --> 01:08:49,587
What are you, a lizard?

1387
01:08:49,688 --> 01:08:51,589
You got to be gentle.
You got to talk to it.

1388
01:08:51,690 --> 01:08:52,992
"Hey there, little guy,

1389
01:08:53,092 --> 01:08:55,061
how you doing?"
Hey there, little guy.

1390
01:08:55,760 --> 01:08:58,364
Boom!
Just like rolling a blunt.

1391
01:08:58,463 --> 01:09:00,598
All you got to do, nephew...

1392
01:09:03,869 --> 01:09:05,670
Is hit that shit.

1393
01:09:06,205 --> 01:09:07,572
Got it?
Mm-hmm.

1394
01:09:07,672 --> 01:09:08,975
All right, now,

1395
01:09:09,075 --> 01:09:12,244
if you want to learn
to lick ass, ask your mama.

1396
01:09:12,345 --> 01:09:14,146
Ma!

1397
01:09:14,246 --> 01:09:17,816
Now, this is
a fantastic party.

1398
01:09:17,917 --> 01:09:18,817
Well, thank you.

1399
01:09:18,918 --> 01:09:21,786
You and me, we're drinking.

1400
01:09:21,887 --> 01:09:24,190
No, I don't-- I don't drink.
One shot.

1401
01:09:24,290 --> 01:09:25,958
Ma! Ma! Ma!

1402
01:09:26,058 --> 01:09:29,228
Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma!
What? Come on.

1403
01:09:29,328 --> 01:09:31,496
Okay, okay. I'll do one.

1404
01:09:39,504 --> 01:09:41,573
I'ma do one more.

1405
01:09:41,673 --> 01:09:44,110
Just one more.
That's all you.

1406
01:09:47,480 --> 01:09:50,515
I'm gonna have
one motherfuckin' more.

1407
01:09:50,615 --> 01:09:51,583
No, no, no, no. Maybe--

1408
01:09:51,683 --> 01:09:54,020
One, two, three!
No, no.

1409
01:09:56,322 --> 01:09:57,622
Here. Take that.

1410
01:09:58,457 --> 01:10:00,226
Whoo!

1411
01:10:31,357 --> 01:10:33,192
Uh! Oh!

1412
01:10:33,691 --> 01:10:35,094
Oh!

1413
01:10:35,194 --> 01:10:38,431
Bitch-ass generation
don't even know how to party.

1414
01:10:40,765 --> 01:10:43,402
You feel so good.

1415
01:10:45,004 --> 01:10:46,105
Oh, yeah.

1416
01:10:46,205 --> 01:10:47,705
Elle.

1417
01:10:47,806 --> 01:10:49,141
I want to try something.

1418
01:10:49,241 --> 01:10:51,544
I-I thought you said
you'd never let me peg you.

1419
01:10:51,643 --> 01:10:53,345
What? No.

1420
01:10:53,446 --> 01:10:54,746
Relax.

1421
01:10:54,847 --> 01:10:56,449
I just want to taste you.

1422
01:10:59,118 --> 01:11:00,319
Okay.

1423
01:11:01,686 --> 01:11:03,355
Dinner time.

1424
01:11:03,456 --> 01:11:06,092
Oh, yeah, come here, baby.

1425
01:11:08,861 --> 01:11:11,230
Careful. My kitty is gangster.

1426
01:11:11,330 --> 01:11:13,165
Oh! Oh...

1427
01:11:13,265 --> 01:11:15,167
It is gangster. Okay.

1428
01:11:15,267 --> 01:11:18,237
Slapped you so hard,
you want some more. Yeah!

1429
01:11:22,141 --> 01:11:23,242
Oh!

1430
01:11:23,342 --> 01:11:26,345
You feel so much better
than Darrel and them.

1431
01:11:26,445 --> 01:11:27,480
Choo-choo!

1432
01:11:27,580 --> 01:11:28,613
Get back in there!

1433
01:11:28,713 --> 01:11:29,915
Yeah! Lick it!

1434
01:11:30,015 --> 01:11:32,451
Yeah! Lick it hard!

1435
01:11:33,618 --> 01:11:35,054
Finish her.

1436
01:11:36,654 --> 01:11:39,959
Oh, my God!

1437
01:11:42,294 --> 01:11:43,963
Just like rolling a blunt.

1438
01:11:44,897 --> 01:11:47,099
Now all I got to do is hit it.

1439
01:11:49,502 --> 01:11:51,237
Oh-- Oof!

1440
01:11:51,337 --> 01:11:52,704
Elle!

1441
01:11:54,672 --> 01:11:55,908
What the fuck?

1442
01:11:56,008 --> 01:11:58,643
Hey there. We heard tell
of a Halloween party.

1443
01:11:58,743 --> 01:12:00,613
You did now, did you?

1444
01:12:00,712 --> 01:12:01,847
We're here to drink,

1445
01:12:01,947 --> 01:12:04,383
play bad music,
do some half gay shit.

1446
01:12:05,217 --> 01:12:06,418
Why just half gay?

1447
01:12:07,219 --> 01:12:08,154
Can I help you?

1448
01:12:08,254 --> 01:12:10,389
If you just invite us in.

1449
01:12:10,489 --> 01:12:11,857
Why you need a invitation?

1450
01:12:11,957 --> 01:12:13,626
White folks show up
to parties uninvited

1451
01:12:13,725 --> 01:12:16,028
all the time with their little
nasty-ass casseroles.

1452
01:12:16,128 --> 01:12:18,330
Bland as shit. Y'all better
start using some Lawry's.

1453
01:12:18,430 --> 01:12:20,866
Mm-hmm. And why she got
them dirty-ass feet?

1454
01:12:20,966 --> 01:12:23,768
Look like you
was walking around
porn sets all day.

1455
01:12:23,869 --> 01:12:25,204
Got them trailer park toes.

1456
01:12:25,304 --> 01:12:26,804
Shit, son!

1457
01:12:26,906 --> 01:12:29,774
I think you're in
the wrong place. Y'all Klan?

1458
01:12:30,609 --> 01:12:31,709
No.

1459
01:12:31,809 --> 01:12:34,580
We believe in music
and equality.

1460
01:12:34,679 --> 01:12:35,881
How about we show y'all?

1461
01:12:35,981 --> 01:12:37,950
It's okay, no.

1462
01:12:50,529 --> 01:12:52,231
They gentrified the Jeffersons?

1463
01:12:52,331 --> 01:12:54,333
Weezy's rolling around
in her grave right now.

1464
01:12:54,433 --> 01:12:57,269
You can't do this
to the Black National Anthem.

1465
01:13:04,809 --> 01:13:06,579
Boo!

1466
01:13:06,679 --> 01:13:08,113
Nigga, you suck!
Boo your ass!

1467
01:13:08,214 --> 01:13:10,449
We worked hard on this!
Take that bullshit
out of here!

1468
01:13:10,549 --> 01:13:11,816
We ain't got time
for that dumb shit!

1469
01:13:11,917 --> 01:13:14,220
Come on. Let us in.

1470
01:13:16,322 --> 01:13:18,224
Oh, my God! They're vampires!
Oh, my God!

1471
01:13:18,324 --> 01:13:20,059
Here, take her.
No, wait, wait. No, Ray!

1472
01:13:20,159 --> 01:13:22,194
No, baby, you got this.
We're not vampires.

1473
01:13:22,294 --> 01:13:25,164
Just hard to sing
with these in.

1474
01:13:25,264 --> 01:13:28,367
Oh, girl, you know I got you.
I ain't gonna let nothing
happen to you.

1475
01:13:28,467 --> 01:13:29,868
Nigga.

1476
01:13:29,969 --> 01:13:32,104
Look, why won't ya just go
to one of those frat parties

1477
01:13:32,204 --> 01:13:33,906
where they drink until
they black out

1478
01:13:34,006 --> 01:13:35,374
and wake up
with their booties hurting,

1479
01:13:35,474 --> 01:13:37,742
not knowing what someone
in a cowboy hat did to them?

1480
01:13:37,843 --> 01:13:39,278
Yeah! What?

1481
01:13:39,378 --> 01:13:40,512
Okay.

1482
01:13:40,613 --> 01:13:42,448
Well, we will leave
you guys alone.

1483
01:13:42,548 --> 01:13:43,748
But we're gonna walk real slow

1484
01:13:43,849 --> 01:13:46,385
just in case
y'all change your minds.

1485
01:13:48,587 --> 01:13:50,389
- Change your minds yet?
- No.

1486
01:13:50,489 --> 01:13:51,457
Not at all.
Hell no.

1487
01:13:51,557 --> 01:13:52,757
How about now?

1488
01:13:52,858 --> 01:13:54,360
Fuck no!
No!

1489
01:13:54,460 --> 01:13:55,760
Yes?
Hell to the nah.

1490
01:13:55,861 --> 01:13:57,029
Definitely not!
Keep walking!

1491
01:13:57,129 --> 01:13:58,497
- Now git!
- Let's go.

1492
01:13:58,597 --> 01:13:59,732
Sara, come on!
White folks

1493
01:13:59,832 --> 01:14:01,934
is getting weird again.

1494
01:14:04,069 --> 01:14:06,538
Guys, I think I saw
an open window over here.

1495
01:14:06,639 --> 01:14:07,772
That window's closed.

1496
01:14:07,873 --> 01:14:09,575
Not for long.

1497
01:14:15,714 --> 01:14:16,781
Wicked.

1498
01:14:16,882 --> 01:14:18,150
Oh, God. Fucking idiots.

1499
01:14:25,190 --> 01:14:29,428
Hey! Tuesday! You came back!

1500
01:14:29,528 --> 01:14:31,330
Yeah, I left my inhaler.

1501
01:14:31,430 --> 01:14:34,466
Honestly, Tuesday,
that inhaler is the worst
plot device in movie history.

1502
01:14:34,566 --> 01:14:36,068
That's true,
should've been a vape.

1503
01:14:36,168 --> 01:14:38,771
But we're here now,
so let's make the most of it.

1504
01:14:38,871 --> 01:14:41,006
Now where them White Claws at?

1505
01:14:45,911 --> 01:14:47,546
<i>Sara?</i>
Hello.

1506
01:14:47,646 --> 01:14:51,150
Get your sister and get out
of there right now. Okay, hon?

1507
01:14:51,250 --> 01:14:54,053
I am a grown-ass woman, Mother.

1508
01:14:54,153 --> 01:14:56,021
I don't have to do
anything you tell me to do.

1509
01:14:56,121 --> 01:14:57,990
<i>That's the house where</i>
<i>your psycho father</i>

1510
01:14:58,090 --> 01:14:59,258
<i>killed those people.</i>

1511
01:14:59,358 --> 01:15:00,793
<i>Someone wanted</i>
<i>to get you there.</i>

1512
01:15:00,893 --> 01:15:02,861
Which means...

1513
01:15:02,961 --> 01:15:05,564
someone wants to get me there.

1514
01:15:05,664 --> 01:15:07,333
Oh, my God,
this isn't about you!

1515
01:15:07,433 --> 01:15:08,667
<i>Why are you yelling?</i>

1516
01:15:08,767 --> 01:15:11,737
Because the camera's
so fucking far away!

1517
01:15:11,837 --> 01:15:14,673
Wait, hold on.
Are you tracking my phone?

1518
01:15:14,773 --> 01:15:15,874
You're breaking up.

1519
01:15:15,974 --> 01:15:17,276
Uh-- Yeah.

1520
01:15:22,281 --> 01:15:24,917
Happy Birthday!

1521
01:15:25,017 --> 01:15:28,487
Hey, that's my car!

1522
01:15:31,690 --> 01:15:33,292
What the fuck?

1523
01:15:33,392 --> 01:15:34,927
Elle!

1524
01:15:35,627 --> 01:15:36,862
I'm sorry!

1525
01:15:36,962 --> 01:15:39,465
I thought
I was supposed to smoke it.

1526
01:15:40,232 --> 01:15:41,367
Oh, shit.

1527
01:15:45,137 --> 01:15:47,206
Seriously? With the
<i>12 Years a Slave</i> shit?

1528
01:15:47,306 --> 01:15:50,476
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
I didn't see that movie, okay?

1529
01:15:50,576 --> 01:15:53,445
I just found this thing
in the shed. Jesus.

1530
01:15:59,718 --> 01:16:01,353
Come on, bro!

1531
01:16:01,453 --> 01:16:02,621
That's even worse.

1532
01:16:03,622 --> 01:16:06,024
I didn't mean it that way.

1533
01:16:06,125 --> 01:16:08,327
Some of my best victims
are Black.

1534
01:16:10,629 --> 01:16:15,167
And another brother
falls victim to gun violence.

1535
01:16:15,267 --> 01:16:17,503
Turns out
race is still an issue.

1536
01:16:17,603 --> 01:16:19,138
That's not fair!

1537
01:16:19,238 --> 01:16:21,607
You know, Black guys usually
die first in horror movies.

1538
01:16:24,710 --> 01:16:26,111
<i>Damn!</i>

1539
01:16:26,211 --> 01:16:28,848
This give whole new meaning
to <i>Dead By Daylight.</i>

1540
01:16:28,947 --> 01:16:30,884
Yeah.

1541
01:16:30,983 --> 01:16:33,786
Oh. Get them, son.

1542
01:16:33,887 --> 01:16:36,355
Goofy ass out of here.

1543
01:16:38,991 --> 01:16:40,692
Hello, Shorty.

1544
01:16:40,793 --> 01:16:42,961
Cuckoo! Get him, niggas!

1545
01:16:44,496 --> 01:16:48,767
Got your silly ass!
You about to be high as fuck.

1546
01:16:52,371 --> 01:16:53,038
Nigga!

1547
01:16:53,138 --> 01:16:56,608
Ah, shit, son!

1548
01:16:57,776 --> 01:16:59,913
Bro, why you running
backwards, son?

1549
01:17:00,012 --> 01:17:01,680
I don't know.
It's not me.

1550
01:17:01,780 --> 01:17:02,882
Something's wrong with this.

1551
01:17:02,981 --> 01:17:04,383
Nigga,
your remote is upside-down!

1552
01:17:04,483 --> 01:17:06,853
You're fucking high, son.

1553
01:17:06,985 --> 01:17:08,487
- Game on, bitches!
- Yeah.

1554
01:17:13,792 --> 01:17:15,093
Oh!
Wrong nigga.

1555
01:17:15,194 --> 01:17:16,829
Black Lives Matter!

1556
01:17:16,930 --> 01:17:18,430
Not you, Shorty!

1557
01:17:18,530 --> 01:17:19,631
Oh, my-- I need you.

1558
01:17:19,731 --> 01:17:21,333
Whoa, what is going on?
Oh, Jack!

1559
01:17:21,433 --> 01:17:24,102
Oh, thank God you're here!
Where were you?

1560
01:17:24,203 --> 01:17:25,537
Ghostface was just here!

1561
01:17:25,637 --> 01:17:28,207
I was just outside
getting some fresh air.

1562
01:17:28,307 --> 01:17:29,308
Stop!

1563
01:17:30,075 --> 01:17:32,544
One of you is the killer.

1564
01:17:33,011 --> 01:17:34,213
Elle...

1565
01:17:35,047 --> 01:17:36,682
why do you have blood
on your hands?

1566
01:17:38,016 --> 01:17:40,352
I found Brad outside.

1567
01:17:40,452 --> 01:17:41,987
She's the killer!

1568
01:17:42,087 --> 01:17:44,156
I am not the killer, okay?

1569
01:17:44,256 --> 01:17:47,326
I'm not even sex positive.
I'm a virgin.

1570
01:17:47,426 --> 01:17:48,527
No way.

1571
01:17:48,627 --> 01:17:50,329
You've banged, like,
every dude in Woodsville.

1572
01:17:50,429 --> 01:17:52,030
Fuck you!

1573
01:17:52,130 --> 01:17:53,765
Whoa!

1574
01:17:53,867 --> 01:17:56,668
The butt doesn't count.

1575
01:17:56,768 --> 01:17:58,570
Oh!

1576
01:17:58,670 --> 01:17:59,671
Shit, she shot Ashton!

1577
01:17:59,771 --> 01:18:03,442
Welcome to Act Three, bitches.

1578
01:18:04,676 --> 01:18:05,744
What?

1579
01:18:06,846 --> 01:18:08,514
What does that even mean?

1580
01:18:09,281 --> 01:18:11,550
It's when the shit goes down.

1581
01:18:11,650 --> 01:18:12,852
Oh.

1582
01:18:12,952 --> 01:18:14,119
I still don't really know
what she means,

1583
01:18:14,219 --> 01:18:16,522
but I think we should run!
Run!

1584
01:18:32,371 --> 01:18:33,138
Cindy!

1585
01:18:33,238 --> 01:18:34,908
Brenda.

1586
01:18:35,008 --> 01:18:36,775
Cindy, they in there shooting!

1587
01:18:36,876 --> 01:18:38,277
These kids are wild!

1588
01:18:38,377 --> 01:18:40,112
I blame it on video games,

1589
01:18:40,212 --> 01:18:42,814
not the liquor
or lack of
parental supervision.

1590
01:18:42,916 --> 01:18:44,082
You're gonna need this.
Oh.

1591
01:18:44,182 --> 01:18:46,485
Do you have one bigger
in black?

1592
01:18:46,585 --> 01:18:48,353
Oh, wrong bag.

1593
01:18:49,154 --> 01:18:50,023
Here.
Ooh.

1594
01:18:50,122 --> 01:18:51,690
Who are you, Joan Wick?

1595
01:18:51,790 --> 01:18:54,660
I would've said <i>Ballerina,</i>
but nobody saw that shit.

1596
01:18:55,627 --> 01:18:56,595
Let's do this.

1597
01:18:56,695 --> 01:18:57,931
Okay.

1598
01:19:00,867 --> 01:19:02,969
Help! He stabbed me!

1599
01:19:03,068 --> 01:19:05,872
I'm definitely not faking it.
Please, help!

1600
01:19:05,972 --> 01:19:07,272
What do you think?

1601
01:19:07,974 --> 01:19:09,341
I think Drake lost to Kendrick.

1602
01:19:09,441 --> 01:19:12,678
I still like Drake, but
what was up with that lawsuit?

1603
01:19:12,778 --> 01:19:14,580
That's such a bitch-ass move.

1604
01:19:14,680 --> 01:19:16,916
About this situation.

1605
01:19:17,016 --> 01:19:18,550
Oh, that?
That's definitely a trap.

1606
01:19:18,650 --> 01:19:20,719
She don't know
we already been here,
done that.

1607
01:19:22,021 --> 01:19:23,923
Brenda!

1608
01:19:24,023 --> 01:19:25,090
Brenda!

1609
01:19:25,190 --> 01:19:27,759
Cindy! It hurts!

1610
01:19:28,560 --> 01:19:31,064
Am I gonna make it?
I doubt it.

1611
01:19:31,163 --> 01:19:33,967
Oh, God, Cindy. Oh, God.

1612
01:19:34,067 --> 01:19:36,069
Bitch, I'm not dead yet!

1613
01:19:36,168 --> 01:19:38,303
Oh. My bad. I'm sorry.

1614
01:19:38,403 --> 01:19:42,507
Now you go back in there
and finish it.

1615
01:19:42,608 --> 01:19:43,475
For me, Cindy.

1616
01:19:43,575 --> 01:19:46,079
I would do anything for you,
Brenda.

1617
01:19:50,549 --> 01:19:53,318
Oh, yes! She bought it.

1618
01:19:53,418 --> 01:19:56,188
That old ketchup trick,
it don't fail.

1619
01:19:56,288 --> 01:19:57,556
That bitch is crazy
if she thought

1620
01:19:57,656 --> 01:20:00,093
I was taking my Black ass
back in there.

1621
01:20:03,829 --> 01:20:05,031
Attention all killers!

1622
01:20:05,130 --> 01:20:09,534
You have five seconds
to show yourselves.

1623
01:20:21,813 --> 01:20:22,714
Shorty!

1624
01:20:22,814 --> 01:20:24,182
Bitch!

1625
01:20:24,282 --> 01:20:26,085
You shot my favorite bong.

1626
01:20:26,184 --> 01:20:28,720
Go find your own damn closet!

1627
01:20:28,820 --> 01:20:30,222
Sorry.

1628
01:20:42,434 --> 01:20:47,806
Wow, this is so nice.

1629
01:20:47,907 --> 01:20:50,308
Brenda's been ballin'.

1630
01:20:53,545 --> 01:20:54,579
What the--

1631
01:20:58,750 --> 01:20:59,685
Red light!

1632
01:21:00,887 --> 01:21:03,622
Red light, green light,
one, two, three!

1633
01:21:04,891 --> 01:21:07,459
Oh. Okay, so we're
playing the hood version.

1634
01:21:08,895 --> 01:21:11,263
Red light, green light,
one, two, three!

1635
01:21:13,265 --> 01:21:14,967
Ha! You moved!

1636
01:21:15,068 --> 01:21:17,703
No, I didn't.

1637
01:21:21,640 --> 01:21:24,676
<i>Ghostface 249, eliminated.</i>

1638
01:21:29,314 --> 01:21:34,020
Ooh. You got some
hot breath, sir.

1639
01:21:43,996 --> 01:21:47,666
Someone's cleaning
those handprints off
the mirror, and it isn't me.

1640
01:21:47,766 --> 01:21:52,671
I'll do it.
Don't leave any streaks.

1641
01:22:00,046 --> 01:22:01,379
No!

1642
01:22:14,894 --> 01:22:17,864
I knew swallowing the clip
would eventually come in handy.

1643
01:22:17,964 --> 01:22:20,398
Who's smiling now, bitch?

1644
01:22:31,276 --> 01:22:33,445
<i>Hello, Cindy.</i>

1645
01:22:34,080 --> 01:22:35,148
Hello.

1646
01:22:35,248 --> 01:22:36,481
<i>Looks like you forgot</i>

1647
01:22:36,581 --> 01:22:39,284
<i>the first rule</i>
<i>of surviving a horror movie.</i>

1648
01:22:39,384 --> 01:22:42,955
<i>Never answer the phone!</i>

1649
01:22:43,055 --> 01:22:46,691
I thought the first rule was
never trust the love interest.

1650
01:22:47,960 --> 01:22:49,262
Oh, really?

1651
01:22:49,361 --> 01:22:51,596
Well, I'm changing the rules.
How about that?

1652
01:22:52,265 --> 01:22:55,400
New rule: Go fuck yourself.

1653
01:22:55,500 --> 01:22:56,468
Wait, wait!

1654
01:22:57,970 --> 01:23:00,806
Why do you
hate closets so much?

1655
01:23:00,907 --> 01:23:02,275
I told you to come out.

1656
01:23:02,374 --> 01:23:04,342
Yeah, well,
I didn't want to get shot!

1657
01:23:04,442 --> 01:23:06,745
Ironic, isn't it?

1658
01:23:06,846 --> 01:23:09,081
You missed me, bitch.

1659
01:23:09,182 --> 01:23:11,017
Oh, God, it's Ghostface!

1660
01:23:11,117 --> 01:23:12,151
Didn't sound believable.

1661
01:23:13,886 --> 01:23:15,221
You think you're John Wick,

1662
01:23:15,320 --> 01:23:16,755
acting like I killed your dog?

1663
01:23:22,028 --> 01:23:23,662
The dog is just a metaphor.

1664
01:23:23,762 --> 01:23:25,597
It was about losing his wife!

1665
01:23:25,697 --> 01:23:27,867
You sure it's not
an allegory?

1666
01:23:38,878 --> 01:23:40,179
Let us begin.

1667
01:23:49,288 --> 01:23:50,890
Oh.

1668
01:24:01,267 --> 01:24:03,635
Oh, that stunt girl is good.

1669
01:24:20,319 --> 01:24:21,187
Whoa.

1670
01:24:25,757 --> 01:24:27,960
Oh, oh--

1671
01:24:43,475 --> 01:24:44,944
Eat a dick.

1672
01:24:55,354 --> 01:24:57,422
Shoot him, Sara. End this.

1673
01:24:57,522 --> 01:24:59,191
Don't tell me what to do!

1674
01:24:59,292 --> 01:25:00,759
This isn't the best time

1675
01:25:00,860 --> 01:25:02,995
to resolve our
mommy-daughter issues,

1676
01:25:03,095 --> 01:25:07,632
but, Sara, I am so sorry.
I have been a terrible mother.

1677
01:25:07,732 --> 01:25:10,236
I don't even know
your sister Wednesday--

1678
01:25:10,336 --> 01:25:11,536
Oh, Tuesday.

1679
01:25:11,636 --> 01:25:14,706
Have to clarify that
for legal reasons.

1680
01:25:14,806 --> 01:25:16,208
But I've prepared you for this.

1681
01:25:17,009 --> 01:25:18,344
So go on, baby.

1682
01:25:18,443 --> 01:25:20,179
You kill him.

1683
01:25:20,279 --> 01:25:21,546
Sara?
Jack!

1684
01:25:21,646 --> 01:25:23,115
- Sara!
- Jack!

1685
01:25:23,215 --> 01:25:24,549
- Sara!
- Oh, Jack!

1686
01:25:24,649 --> 01:25:25,851
Sara!
Jack!

1687
01:25:25,952 --> 01:25:26,852
- Sara!
- Jack!

1688
01:25:26,953 --> 01:25:27,752
- Sara!
- Jack!

1689
01:25:27,853 --> 01:25:28,753
Thank God you're okay.

1690
01:25:28,854 --> 01:25:30,056
Because I really wanted to be

1691
01:25:30,156 --> 01:25:31,123
the one to kill you!

1692
01:25:31,223 --> 01:25:32,858
Ooh, take it, baby.

1693
01:25:33,993 --> 01:25:36,896
See,
I told you it was about me.

1694
01:25:36,996 --> 01:25:38,797
No, Sara.

1695
01:25:40,132 --> 01:25:42,068
You were just the bait.

1696
01:25:42,168 --> 01:25:43,735
It's about her.

1697
01:25:44,270 --> 01:25:45,271
- Fuck!
- Aw.

1698
01:25:45,371 --> 01:25:47,406
Sorry, honey.
I hate being right.

1699
01:25:47,505 --> 01:25:49,342
You should've
listened to Doofy.

1700
01:25:49,442 --> 01:25:51,911
The love interest.

1701
01:25:52,011 --> 01:25:54,447
It just seemed too obvious,
you know?

1702
01:25:54,546 --> 01:25:57,216
Which makes you think
it is not obvious.

1703
01:25:57,316 --> 01:25:58,150
Same page, honeybunch.

1704
01:25:58,250 --> 01:25:59,251
Right.

1705
01:25:59,352 --> 01:26:01,120
Yeah, well, that's the twist!

1706
01:26:01,220 --> 01:26:02,487
Now get in the kitchen. Go!

1707
01:26:02,587 --> 01:26:04,090
Hey!
Move!

1708
01:26:04,190 --> 01:26:06,459
Okay, listen up!

1709
01:26:06,558 --> 01:26:09,895
See, there hasn't been
a great <i>Horror Movie</i>

1710
01:26:09,996 --> 01:26:11,397
since the first one.

1711
01:26:11,496 --> 01:26:15,101
We're gonna save the franchise.
Go get our special guest star.

1712
01:26:17,203 --> 01:26:19,604
Hollywood is out of ideas!

1713
01:26:19,704 --> 01:26:22,174
Why else would there be
a <i>Scary Movie 6?</i>

1714
01:26:22,274 --> 01:26:24,844
But it wouldn't work with just
the new characters, would it?

1715
01:26:24,944 --> 01:26:27,545
We need the legacy characters.
Oh--

1716
01:26:27,645 --> 01:26:29,348
And there wouldn't be a Cindy

1717
01:26:29,448 --> 01:26:32,918
without her
sassy Black sidekick, Brenda.

1718
01:26:33,019 --> 01:26:36,355
You ain't have to say "Black"
with no hard "b" like that.

1719
01:26:36,455 --> 01:26:39,025
Brenda! Didn't you get shot?

1720
01:26:39,859 --> 01:26:41,027
Did I?

1721
01:26:41,127 --> 01:26:45,064
Oh! Wait, I did!
Ooh, look, God done healed me!

1722
01:26:45,164 --> 01:26:46,664
Ooh, what He do?

1723
01:26:46,765 --> 01:26:47,933
Stop dancing!
All the time!

1724
01:26:48,034 --> 01:26:49,534
Stop dancing!
Everybody stop dancing!

1725
01:26:49,634 --> 01:26:50,668
All the time!

1726
01:26:50,769 --> 01:26:51,937
Oh!

1727
01:26:52,038 --> 01:26:54,407
Oh.
Mom! No!

1728
01:26:54,507 --> 01:26:57,009
You called me "Mom".

1729
01:26:58,177 --> 01:26:59,611
You care about me.

1730
01:26:59,711 --> 01:27:02,114
Well, I wouldn't go that far,
but, I mean,

1731
01:27:02,214 --> 01:27:03,015
sure.
Go--

1732
01:27:03,115 --> 01:27:04,116
Go get Tuesday.

1733
01:27:04,216 --> 01:27:05,617
Okay, ladies,

1734
01:27:05,717 --> 01:27:07,853
time to stage the bodies.

1735
01:27:07,953 --> 01:27:10,423
Let's go, let's go, let's go.
Oh!

1736
01:27:10,523 --> 01:27:12,391
Please don't do this!

1737
01:27:12,491 --> 01:27:13,758
What? Who are you people?

1738
01:27:13,859 --> 01:27:14,994
We're the motherfuckers

1739
01:27:15,094 --> 01:27:17,629
that are taking over
this franchise.

1740
01:27:17,729 --> 01:27:18,964
Oh, yeah? You are?

1741
01:27:19,065 --> 01:27:20,933
Okay! Oh, my God.

1742
01:27:21,033 --> 01:27:23,568
That was not part of the plan.

1743
01:27:23,668 --> 01:27:25,737
Oh, God. Shit.

1744
01:27:25,838 --> 01:27:28,107
- Oh.
- Neither was this.

1745
01:27:31,544 --> 01:27:32,845
Wait, Ray got one of those!

1746
01:27:32,945 --> 01:27:35,314
Whoa! Hot damn!

1747
01:27:35,414 --> 01:27:38,851
Anthony Anderson!

1748
01:27:38,951 --> 01:27:40,019
Yeah.

1749
01:27:40,119 --> 01:27:42,855
And I brought my boy
Kevin Hart with me.

1750
01:27:49,995 --> 01:27:51,363
What?
Shaq?

1751
01:27:51,464 --> 01:27:54,433
That's right. On my knees
I'm the same height as Kevin.

1752
01:27:54,533 --> 01:27:55,700
And Kevin said no.

1753
01:27:55,800 --> 01:27:57,103
Kevin Hart said no?

1754
01:27:57,203 --> 01:27:59,004
That little motherfucker
says yes to everything.

1755
01:27:59,105 --> 01:28:00,239
Yeah, he does.

1756
01:28:00,339 --> 01:28:01,773
But wait!

1757
01:28:01,874 --> 01:28:04,443
There's more.

1758
01:28:04,543 --> 01:28:06,545
Ta-dah...

1759
01:28:06,644 --> 01:28:07,913
bitches!

1760
01:28:08,013 --> 01:28:09,482
Ray? Shorty?

1761
01:28:09,582 --> 01:28:11,283
Yeah, that's right.

1762
01:28:11,383 --> 01:28:14,420
Four Black killers.
Yeah.

1763
01:28:14,520 --> 01:28:15,787
We're making history.

1764
01:28:15,888 --> 01:28:19,091
This a new definition
of Black excellence.

1765
01:28:19,724 --> 01:28:21,293
But why would you do this?

1766
01:28:21,393 --> 01:28:22,827
Question is:

1767
01:28:22,928 --> 01:28:24,997
Why would you try to make
a sequel without us, huh?

1768
01:28:25,097 --> 01:28:26,165
Yeah!

1769
01:28:26,265 --> 01:28:28,234
When the studio wanted
to replace these brothers,

1770
01:28:28,334 --> 01:28:30,369
I was there.

1771
01:28:30,469 --> 01:28:32,104
That's facts.
What about me?

1772
01:28:32,204 --> 01:28:33,272
What about you?

1773
01:28:33,372 --> 01:28:34,507
You were in one scene

1774
01:28:34,607 --> 01:28:36,308
in <i>Part 4.</i>
Oh!

1775
01:28:36,408 --> 01:28:37,376
Yes, but I made
that motherfucker

1776
01:28:37,476 --> 01:28:38,844
Dr. Phil cut his foot off.

1777
01:28:38,944 --> 01:28:40,712
- And he crazy now.
- Yeah, he got weird.

1778
01:28:40,812 --> 01:28:41,847
Mm.
But you--

1779
01:28:41,947 --> 01:28:43,282
Y-You see
what they trying to do?

1780
01:28:43,382 --> 01:28:45,251
They trying to pit us all up
against each other.

1781
01:28:45,351 --> 01:28:48,020
They trying to start Black
on-- on very Black crime.

1782
01:28:48,120 --> 01:28:49,488
Oh.
That's right!

1783
01:28:49,588 --> 01:28:52,057
Yo, Shaq.
Hey. I'm proud of you, bro.

1784
01:28:52,158 --> 01:28:54,759
You've had an amazing career
as a sports commentator

1785
01:28:54,860 --> 01:28:56,661
since retiring
from basketball.
Mm-hmm.

1786
01:28:56,761 --> 01:29:00,199
And I love <i>The Big Podcast.</i>
Nigga, I love that shit!

1787
01:29:00,299 --> 01:29:02,535
Even though I don't understand
a word you be saying.

1788
01:29:02,635 --> 01:29:03,701
You be on that show
talkin' 'bout--

1789
01:29:07,473 --> 01:29:08,274
"Kobe."

1790
01:29:08,374 --> 01:29:09,608
Enough.

1791
01:29:09,707 --> 01:29:13,312
But my point is, nigga,
I love your shit.

1792
01:29:14,046 --> 01:29:16,415
But I never got over <i>Kazaam.</i>

1793
01:29:16,515 --> 01:29:17,749
Fuck all that shit!

1794
01:29:17,850 --> 01:29:19,185
Kick his ass!

1795
01:29:19,285 --> 01:29:21,887
Get your big ass over here!
I hated that movie, too!

1796
01:29:21,987 --> 01:29:23,455
Why did you leave the Lakers?

1797
01:29:23,556 --> 01:29:26,358
You and Kobe
would've had nine rings!

1798
01:29:26,458 --> 01:29:27,960
That motherfucker traded me!

1799
01:29:28,060 --> 01:29:28,961
Sha-kweel!

1800
01:29:29,061 --> 01:29:31,864
How big is your foot?

1801
01:29:31,964 --> 01:29:32,865
22.

1802
01:29:32,965 --> 01:29:35,568
Then how big is your dick?

1803
01:29:35,668 --> 01:29:36,734
Whoa, whoa, whoa, Ray!

1804
01:29:36,835 --> 01:29:38,204
- Pause.
- What the fuck

1805
01:29:38,304 --> 01:29:40,039
you talking about?
I'm doing it for the culture.

1806
01:29:40,139 --> 01:29:41,473
What culture?

1807
01:29:41,574 --> 01:29:43,576
- The Culture Club. Nigga!
- Bro.

1808
01:29:43,676 --> 01:29:44,742
Come on, Ray,
we killing people.

1809
01:29:44,843 --> 01:29:45,844
Stay focused.
All right, all right.

1810
01:29:45,945 --> 01:29:47,812
All right. We back.

1811
01:29:47,913 --> 01:29:50,815
Hey, Ant, don't, don't you--
don't you worry. We family.

1812
01:29:50,916 --> 01:29:52,918
Ant, mad respect, y'all.

1813
01:29:53,018 --> 01:29:55,254
Hey, <i>Black-ish</i> nominated

1814
01:29:55,354 --> 01:29:56,322
for eight Emmys!

1815
01:29:56,422 --> 01:29:57,556
My nigga!

1816
01:29:57,656 --> 01:29:58,790
Well, actually,

1817
01:29:58,891 --> 01:30:00,626
the show was only nominated
for five.

1818
01:30:00,725 --> 01:30:02,428
I was nominated for eight.

1819
01:30:02,528 --> 01:30:03,529
Ooh.
Wow.

1820
01:30:03,629 --> 01:30:04,563
Oh, thank you.

1821
01:30:04,663 --> 01:30:05,730
A thespian!

1822
01:30:05,831 --> 01:30:08,500
Is that so? Eight nominations.

1823
01:30:08,601 --> 01:30:10,569
Crazy!
Yeah, man.

1824
01:30:12,571 --> 01:30:14,707
But you never won.
What?

1825
01:30:16,442 --> 01:30:17,643
<i>Et tu, Brute?</i>

1826
01:30:17,742 --> 01:30:19,578
Don't speak Spanish to me,
motherfucker.

1827
01:30:19,678 --> 01:30:22,481
This is for doing
<i>Scary Movie 3</i> and <i>4!</i>

1828
01:30:22,581 --> 01:30:24,883
I didn't know
they fired the family!

1829
01:30:24,984 --> 01:30:26,652
And this is for copying

1830
01:30:26,751 --> 01:30:29,655
our <i>Good Times</i> episode
on <i>Black-ish!</i>

1831
01:30:29,754 --> 01:30:32,391
But you guys were on The WB!

1832
01:30:32,491 --> 01:30:34,893
Nobody saw that shit!

1833
01:30:37,363 --> 01:30:38,464
That's kinda true.

1834
01:30:38,564 --> 01:30:40,566
What are you doing?

1835
01:30:40,666 --> 01:30:42,735
They didn't create
the franchise, you did.

1836
01:30:42,835 --> 01:30:44,703
Yeah.
No!

1837
01:30:44,802 --> 01:30:48,374
Creating franchises
doesn't make you a killer.

1838
01:30:48,474 --> 01:30:50,109
Stealing franchises does.

1839
01:30:50,209 --> 01:30:52,411
<i>Scary Movie</i>
was our franchise...
Motherfucker!

1840
01:30:52,511 --> 01:30:53,712
...and they stole it from us!

1841
01:30:53,811 --> 01:30:56,015
And they started
doing those bad parodies.

1842
01:30:56,115 --> 01:30:58,984
<i>Epic Movie.</i> What the fuck?
<i>Disaster Movie.</i>

1843
01:30:59,084 --> 01:31:00,586
<i>Date Movie.</i>
This is for <i>Date Movie.</i>

1844
01:31:00,686 --> 01:31:03,022
And then the one
with the little--
the dude with the hooves.

1845
01:31:03,122 --> 01:31:04,789
Nigga, that's <i>Epic Movie.</i>
He deserves twice--

1846
01:31:04,890 --> 01:31:06,458
Give him double stabs now.
Hate that <i>Narnia</i> shit.

1847
01:31:06,558 --> 01:31:08,527
He's already dead.
So much blood.

1848
01:31:08,627 --> 01:31:10,529
Friedberg and Seltzer,
nigga.

1849
01:31:12,031 --> 01:31:13,666
Ooh.
No, no, no.

1850
01:31:13,766 --> 01:31:15,534
And you, and you--

1851
01:31:15,634 --> 01:31:18,837
Y'all went and did
<i>Scary Movie 3</i> and <i>4</i> without us!

1852
01:31:18,937 --> 01:31:21,373
Nigga, I'm sorry.
They offered me so much money!

1853
01:31:21,473 --> 01:31:25,411
I-I got a new house, a new car.
I got wigs that don't itch.

1854
01:31:26,545 --> 01:31:28,013
And what about you?

1855
01:31:28,847 --> 01:31:30,983
Well, I had a chance
to work with

1856
01:31:31,083 --> 01:31:33,585
the incomparable Charlie Sheen.

1857
01:31:35,120 --> 01:31:36,789
That's good. He's a legend.

1858
01:31:36,889 --> 01:31:39,058
And his dick game's crazy.

1859
01:31:39,158 --> 01:31:41,260
You know he slept with
47,000 women?

1860
01:31:41,360 --> 01:31:43,595
And a thousand of them women
were dudes.

1861
01:31:43,696 --> 01:31:45,431
Lucky guy.

1862
01:31:46,265 --> 01:31:48,767
Wait,
so y'all gonna kill us now?

1863
01:31:50,536 --> 01:31:52,171
Nah.

1864
01:31:52,271 --> 01:31:55,007
What would <i>Halloween</i> be
without Jamie Lee Curtis?

1865
01:31:55,107 --> 01:31:56,809
Or <i>Scream</i> be
without Neve Campbell?

1866
01:31:56,909 --> 01:31:58,277
That would be <i>Scream VI.</i>

1867
01:31:58,377 --> 01:32:01,146
How did you guys
pull all of this off?

1868
01:32:01,246 --> 01:32:02,348
Cindy!

1869
01:32:02,448 --> 01:32:05,517
You know how many Wayanses
there are?

1870
01:32:05,617 --> 01:32:07,353
Nigga, billions!
Billions!

1871
01:32:07,453 --> 01:32:11,123
I'm just so happy that
the old gang is back together.

1872
01:32:11,857 --> 01:32:13,625
Okay, in the middle, on three:

1873
01:32:13,726 --> 01:32:14,927
Core Four.

1874
01:32:15,027 --> 01:32:16,729
What?
Nah, nah. We-- That--

1875
01:32:16,829 --> 01:32:18,097
That-- That's corny shit.
That's wack.

1876
01:32:18,197 --> 01:32:19,698
Ooh, uh, w-what about--

1877
01:32:19,798 --> 01:32:22,468
What about,
The Young and The Restless?

1878
01:32:22,568 --> 01:32:24,269
Yeah, or The-- or The Old

1879
01:32:24,370 --> 01:32:25,738
and then The Beautiful.

1880
01:32:25,839 --> 01:32:27,806
Or-- or The--
The Cute and The Crusty.

1881
01:32:27,906 --> 01:32:30,743
Yeah, or The Sexy
and then The Senile.

1882
01:32:36,915 --> 01:32:38,852
But we were brought in
to take over the franchise!

1883
01:32:38,951 --> 01:32:40,018
That's right. I mean,

1884
01:32:40,119 --> 01:32:42,421
you guys are, like,
70 years old!

1885
01:32:42,521 --> 01:32:44,256
Not in my mouth!

1886
01:32:44,356 --> 01:32:45,391
Aw, fuck!

1887
01:32:46,558 --> 01:32:48,961
I just dragged that one
from the subway.

1888
01:32:49,061 --> 01:32:51,230
Oh, my back hurts.

1889
01:32:51,330 --> 01:32:54,199
Guys, guys!
They're already dead.

1890
01:32:54,299 --> 01:32:56,735
Nah! Little fuckers
always come back.

1891
01:32:56,836 --> 01:32:58,404
Oh, no. Not this time.

1892
01:32:58,504 --> 01:33:01,039
Exactly. Come on,
Ray, let's go.
Let's go.

1893
01:33:01,140 --> 01:33:02,708
Who got a match?

1894
01:33:02,808 --> 01:33:06,880
Got one, got one!
Next generation, my ass!

1895
01:33:06,979 --> 01:33:08,580
Yeah, whoo!

1896
01:33:12,852 --> 01:33:13,952
Sara, tell me what do to.

1897
01:33:14,052 --> 01:33:16,255
Blow, bitch, blow!

1898
01:33:24,263 --> 01:33:25,297
Yeah.

1899
01:33:27,232 --> 01:33:29,668
Wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Should we feel bad?

1900
01:33:29,768 --> 01:33:31,170
I mean, those are our kids.

1901
01:33:31,270 --> 01:33:32,971
Fuck those kids!
Yeah!

1902
01:33:33,071 --> 01:33:35,107
This is our franchise.
Yeah!

1903
01:33:35,207 --> 01:33:37,976
Besides, we can do all these
dramatic walkaways

1904
01:33:38,076 --> 01:33:39,511
with the fire in back of us.

1905
01:33:39,611 --> 01:33:41,146
But, damn, it's hot.

1906
01:33:41,246 --> 01:33:44,283
I don't know.
I kind of like it.

1907
01:33:44,383 --> 01:33:46,618
You do, Ray?
We should play firemen.

1908
01:33:46,718 --> 01:33:48,855
You wanna dress up
like a fireman?

1909
01:33:48,987 --> 01:33:50,756
No. I want you to dress up
like a fireman.

1910
01:33:50,857 --> 01:33:52,926
Y'all feel a draft?

1911
01:36:06,658 --> 01:36:09,094
<i>Coming soon</i>
<i>to a theater near you...</i>

1912
01:36:09,194 --> 01:36:10,964
Come to me...

1913
01:36:11,064 --> 01:36:12,230
Count Brolock.

1914
01:36:12,331 --> 01:36:14,700
<i>From the studio</i>
<i>that brought you</i>

1915
01:36:14,800 --> 01:36:17,803
<i>every Black version</i>
<i>of a white movie...</i>

1916
01:36:20,238 --> 01:36:23,542
<i>I am but an appetite,</i>
<i>nothing more.</i>

1917
01:36:23,642 --> 01:36:25,979
That's not what you said
last night

1918
01:36:26,079 --> 01:36:27,713
when you were
sucking on my chest.

1919
01:36:30,049 --> 01:36:31,383
The sisters may hear you.

1920
01:36:31,483 --> 01:36:33,251
Too late.

1921
01:36:33,352 --> 01:36:34,419
You trifling sellout.

1922
01:36:34,519 --> 01:36:36,254
I don't know this bitch!

1923
01:36:36,355 --> 01:36:37,890
She's trying to get me!
This is entrapment!

1924
01:36:37,991 --> 01:36:40,192
- Negro ain't shit.
- Mm-hmm.

1925
01:36:40,292 --> 01:36:43,295
<i>Behold the Black vampire.</i>

1926
01:36:43,795 --> 01:36:45,697
<i>Brosferatu.</i>

1927
01:36:46,698 --> 01:36:48,700
Coming this <i>Kwanzaa.</i>

1928
01:38:02,975 --> 01:38:06,378
Cuckoo. Cuckoo.

1929
01:38:07,113 --> 01:38:10,382
Happy Birthday, A.S. Berger.

1930
01:38:10,482 --> 01:38:13,318
- Something isn't right here.
- Happy birthday...

1931
01:38:13,418 --> 01:38:15,387
He's definitely Ghostface.

1932
01:38:15,955 --> 01:38:16,889
Sit.

1933
01:38:17,857 --> 01:38:19,424
I agree, Berger.

1934
01:38:19,524 --> 01:38:21,560
That hand should spend
the rest of its life in prison.

1935
01:38:21,660 --> 01:38:23,628
That little hand, man. I mean--

1936
01:38:23,729 --> 01:38:27,365
Respectfully, that thing would
probably give a nice handjob.

1937
01:38:27,466 --> 01:38:29,836
Off the chain, guaranteed.

1938
01:38:29,936 --> 01:38:31,037
Tight grip.

1939
01:38:31,137 --> 01:38:32,337
Make your meat
look two times bigger.

1940
01:38:32,437 --> 01:38:33,538
Yeah.

1941
01:38:33,638 --> 01:38:35,041
I don't want
a handjob from him.

1942
01:38:35,141 --> 01:38:36,408
Let me tell you that,
first and foremost.

1943
01:38:36,508 --> 01:38:38,510
I do not want a handjob.
Me neither.

1944
01:38:38,610 --> 01:38:41,313
However, when you look at it,
like a shotgun--

1945
01:38:41,413 --> 01:38:43,348
You're done.

1946
01:38:44,816 --> 01:38:46,351
Now, listen,
we're gonna hold him, okay?

1947
01:38:46,451 --> 01:38:48,087
Okay.
It might be a day,

1948
01:38:48,187 --> 01:38:49,354
two weeks, I don't know.

1949
01:38:49,454 --> 01:38:50,555
I don't know how long
this movie is.

1950
01:38:50,655 --> 01:38:52,691
Like a Chris Nolan movie
with farts.

1951
01:38:52,791 --> 01:38:55,228
But what I want you to do
is go in there

1952
01:38:55,327 --> 01:38:57,329
and show him what you got.

1953
01:38:57,429 --> 01:38:59,165
Cock it and rock it.

1954
01:39:02,334 --> 01:39:03,568
Ah.

1955
01:39:05,104 --> 01:39:07,672
Oh!

1956
01:39:08,306 --> 01:39:10,143
There she is.

1957
01:39:10,243 --> 01:39:12,544
The birthday girl.

1958
01:39:15,514 --> 01:39:16,815
I brought a cake.

1959
01:39:18,117 --> 01:39:19,518
Make a wish.

1960
01:39:21,087 --> 01:39:23,022
My germs!

1961
01:39:26,525 --> 01:39:29,095
Finger-licking good.

1962
01:39:29,195 --> 01:39:33,298
Agent Berger, I'm just trying
to give you my strong hand.

1963
01:39:33,398 --> 01:39:35,201
No!
But it's a meme.

1964
01:39:35,300 --> 01:39:39,504
Mr. Shorthand,
are you Ghostface?

1965
01:39:39,604 --> 01:39:41,974
Here we go--

1966
01:39:42,074 --> 01:39:44,911
Whew, that stings.
It's sort of--

1967
01:39:45,011 --> 01:39:45,945
Whoo.

1968
01:39:46,045 --> 01:39:47,579
Okay, that hurts.
Stop.

1969
01:39:47,679 --> 01:39:49,015
Can I talk to you
for a second?

1970
01:39:49,115 --> 01:39:50,782
Yeah, o-okay.

1971
01:39:52,551 --> 01:39:54,153
This table needs an airbag.

1972
01:39:54,253 --> 01:39:55,121
It should--

1973
01:39:55,221 --> 01:39:56,889
Goddamn!

1974
01:39:56,989 --> 01:39:58,191
Whoo!

1975
01:39:58,291 --> 01:39:59,658
I didn't think it would
hurt so bad.

1976
01:39:59,758 --> 01:40:03,095
So we got the wrong guy.
Could have told you that.

1977
01:40:03,196 --> 01:40:04,663
Why?
'Cause I'm psychic.

1978
01:40:04,763 --> 01:40:06,833
Oh, yeah!

1979
01:40:06,933 --> 01:40:08,100
You know, it's what--

1980
01:40:08,201 --> 01:40:09,467
Oh, shit!

1981
01:40:09,568 --> 01:40:11,137
Oh, God,
that's how I feel.

1982
01:40:11,237 --> 01:40:12,939
Let me tell you some--

1983
01:40:13,039 --> 01:40:15,174
What do we do now?

1984
01:40:15,274 --> 01:40:16,808
Back out slowly.

1985
01:40:16,909 --> 01:40:18,610
Like my neighbor when
I caught him inside my wife.

1986
01:40:18,710 --> 01:40:20,313
Where are you guys going?

1987
01:40:20,412 --> 01:40:21,513
They're still together?

1988
01:40:21,613 --> 01:40:23,216
Unfortunately.

1989
01:40:23,316 --> 01:40:24,482
Ow!

1990
01:40:24,583 --> 01:40:26,551
Sorry, man.
It's okay.

1991
01:40:26,651 --> 01:40:28,087
We're a throuple now.